[He feels kind of ashamed that he's already having to wipe his eyes, but Yoosung can't help it. The burden of his love is heavy, and even if it weren't, he misses her a lot.]
Before I remembered, I thought I'd only known her for four days. She was the new coordinator for the fundraising parties the RFA does, but she showed up kind of mysteriously in our chat room and V had us accept her into the group anyway, and because she was filling Rika's shoes - even living in her apartment! - I just took a lot of interest in her. Rika had been gone for years, but was a really important person in my life, after all...
....But she was always so cheerful and she supported me every day from when she joined. Even when I was confused, she gave me the chance to see what she was really like, and I felt so close to her then! No one's ever given me attention like that outside of family, or tried so hard to understand me, or... or see potential in me. As the days went by she became all I ever thought about, making her proud, becoming the man I thought she would want me to be. I even had motivation to study... somehow it made me excited about my major again, too. It happened so fast... She just became my everything. Sappy, I don't know a better way to say it than that, though. I always wanted to be a sappy boyfriend anyway, haha.
[There was warmth in his voice throughout all of that, like the love he was recanting was a light from within. He feels like there is more to say, but that train of thought was endless, so he picks up his mug again and swallows down the last gulp left in the cup, the miniscule amount of liquid that had created a sugary mush at the bottom. After he sets it back down, he views the emptiness that's left. It wasn't tea leaves, there's no divination of fates, if he'd ever have believed in that kind of Hogwarts nonsense to begin with. There's just a brown stain with no particular shape, and in the end, it didn't even accomplish anything, because his headache is still there. If anything, the pain and warmth together just make his head swim more.]
The mystery around her just kept getting deeper though... well, not really her, RFA. All of a sudden we were under attack... and there was a bomb in Rika's apartment. An actual bomb! We couldn't even take it out or let her leave the apartment because of the way it was set up, and I was so scared I was going to lose her, just like Rika...! Something like this could be exactly what V was hiding all along about her death! I could never forgive that if it happened. If I could protect her I didn't even care if I died. Still, I waited... and waited until finally Seven found where the hacker was attacking us from - a cult in the middle of the mountains. So I made him take me along. It was too dangerous for one person, and if anything went wrong I didn't think there'd be another chance to save her... s-she was so scared, begging for me to protect her so much...
[Ah. The waterworks are coming back. Hello, old friend. He'll just duck his head down, clenching his teeth and willing them to go away. They don't.]
He had a switch, he was taunting us with, bombs in the apartment and the cult's hideout too, saying he'd blow us all up together like a h-happy... family...
[Yoosung hadn't really registered the depth of his meaning at the time, that he was really part of the family. But it was a fact that he'd learned since with his entire body. He talked about his mother often, when it came to his sources of "inspiration." Yoosung had never met her, but he had come to hate her.]
So I tackled him, held him down until Seven could take the switch!! I made him run! I told him I would go after, but I lied. B-Because... if I did that, who would stop him next time? I had to stop him for good, or she'd always be afraid... she might even be killed! He was screaming, so enraged, he didn't have anything left in his life after his "Savior" let him go. He really was trying to die together with us... so I said to let them go, and he could do anything he wanted with me. I thought if he wanted to die, I'd die happy saving her. But he... he wanted so much more, he...
[Yoosung's hands shakily raise up to cover his face, resting his elbows on the table.]
He did whatever he wanted, and he never stopped, even if I wanted to - especially if I didn't want to, he'd just laugh and be even happier about it. It was months of roleplaying... and it's sick, but I was so happy. I felt so right for sacrificing myself so she'd be fine... but Fayflower took that all away! It's been so long since I've been here and... [He spreads his fingers around his face so his eyes can stare listlessly at the table.] And that means they're dead now. Saeran was very clear about our deal.
[Yoosung finally lets his hands drop. Finally, his tears are just dropping freely on the table.]
It doesn't feel real. Living like I was when I first met her, and fighting so hard not to die.... it seemed so terrifying and painful while it was happening, but it's nothing, with what I've already been through. It's like one is a dream and the other is real, but I don't which one it is and they're both shit choices... I don't want to go back to that terrible reality, but I don't want to be alone with nothing and empty... that's what my past self was. Heh, you probably already knew that though.
[He sniffles pathetically, and finally, he lets out a long sigh... it sounds kind of creaky. He talked until his throat was sore. Guess holding that in for so long wasn't such a good idea.]
let's also add in blanket Mystic Messenger spoiler warnings for the thread
[He feels kind of ashamed that he's already having to wipe his eyes, but Yoosung can't help it. The burden of his love is heavy, and even if it weren't, he misses her a lot.]
Before I remembered, I thought I'd only known her for four days. She was the new coordinator for the fundraising parties the RFA does, but she showed up kind of mysteriously in our chat room and V had us accept her into the group anyway, and because she was filling Rika's shoes - even living in her apartment! - I just took a lot of interest in her. Rika had been gone for years, but was a really important person in my life, after all...
....But she was always so cheerful and she supported me every day from when she joined. Even when I was confused, she gave me the chance to see what she was really like, and I felt so close to her then! No one's ever given me attention like that outside of family, or tried so hard to understand me, or... or see potential in me. As the days went by she became all I ever thought about, making her proud, becoming the man I thought she would want me to be. I even had motivation to study... somehow it made me excited about my major again, too. It happened so fast... She just became my everything. Sappy, I don't know a better way to say it than that, though. I always wanted to be a sappy boyfriend anyway, haha.
[There was warmth in his voice throughout all of that, like the love he was recanting was a light from within. He feels like there is more to say, but that train of thought was endless, so he picks up his mug again and swallows down the last gulp left in the cup, the miniscule amount of liquid that had created a sugary mush at the bottom. After he sets it back down, he views the emptiness that's left. It wasn't tea leaves, there's no divination of fates, if he'd ever have believed in that kind of Hogwarts nonsense to begin with. There's just a brown stain with no particular shape, and in the end, it didn't even accomplish anything, because his headache is still there. If anything, the pain and warmth together just make his head swim more.]
The mystery around her just kept getting deeper though... well, not really her, RFA. All of a sudden we were under attack... and there was a bomb in Rika's apartment. An actual bomb! We couldn't even take it out or let her leave the apartment because of the way it was set up, and I was so scared I was going to lose her, just like Rika...! Something like this could be exactly what V was hiding all along about her death! I could never forgive that if it happened. If I could protect her I didn't even care if I died. Still, I waited... and waited until finally Seven found where the hacker was attacking us from - a cult in the middle of the mountains. So I made him take me along. It was too dangerous for one person, and if anything went wrong I didn't think there'd be another chance to save her... s-she was so scared, begging for me to protect her so much...
[Ah. The waterworks are coming back. Hello, old friend. He'll just duck his head down, clenching his teeth and willing them to go away. They don't.]
He had a switch, he was taunting us with, bombs in the apartment and the cult's hideout too, saying he'd blow us all up together like a h-happy... family...
[Yoosung hadn't really registered the depth of his meaning at the time, that he was really part of the family. But it was a fact that he'd learned since with his entire body. He talked about his mother often, when it came to his sources of "inspiration." Yoosung had never met her, but he had come to hate her.]
So I tackled him, held him down until Seven could take the switch!! I made him run! I told him I would go after, but I lied. B-Because... if I did that, who would stop him next time? I had to stop him for good, or she'd always be afraid... she might even be killed! He was screaming, so enraged, he didn't have anything left in his life after his "Savior" let him go. He really was trying to die together with us... so I said to let them go, and he could do anything he wanted with me. I thought if he wanted to die, I'd die happy saving her. But he... he wanted so much more, he...
[Yoosung's hands shakily raise up to cover his face, resting his elbows on the table.]
He did whatever he wanted, and he never stopped, even if I wanted to - especially if I didn't want to, he'd just laugh and be even happier about it. It was months of roleplaying... and it's sick, but I was so happy. I felt so right for sacrificing myself so she'd be fine... but Fayflower took that all away! It's been so long since I've been here and... [He spreads his fingers around his face so his eyes can stare listlessly at the table.] And that means they're dead now. Saeran was very clear about our deal.
[Yoosung finally lets his hands drop. Finally, his tears are just dropping freely on the table.]
It doesn't feel real. Living like I was when I first met her, and fighting so hard not to die.... it seemed so terrifying and painful while it was happening, but it's nothing, with what I've already been through. It's like one is a dream and the other is real, but I don't which one it is and they're both shit choices... I don't want to go back to that terrible reality, but I don't want to be alone with nothing and empty... that's what my past self was. Heh, you probably already knew that though.
[He sniffles pathetically, and finally, he lets out a long sigh... it sounds kind of creaky. He talked until his throat was sore. Guess holding that in for so long wasn't such a good idea.]