[ Oh, goddammit, Connor. He totally deserved the sex part but yeah that's happening. That's a memory he has now. But he understands it, too. How Connor needed something real, how desperately he wanted Han both because of how he felt for him and how he helped him forget everything else. The feelings he has are real, Hank never doubted it, but there's a context to them that Hank couldn't just get without all of that (okay, maybe he could have without the sex, but it's too late now.)
He feels Connor die, again and again. Tears start to make their way down Hank's face as well. Each time Connor died, he without regret, each time he would freely give his life for him. Hank feels how incredible and unwavering Connor's love is for him, how he holds onto Hank because he is steady, because he will always be there and keep him safe. It's all true -- and Hank recognizes he is hurting him. Connor isn't trying to hurt him because Connor means every word he says to Hank. How could he lie to someone he loves so deeply? He wouldn't. Hank knows that. He can feel that.
Connor hadn't made it to the Chicken Feed, he'd been alone then, but he is not alone now.
He would never be alone, because Hank is there for him. And he loves him. And it is different, Hank can feel that, but it isn't any less and it doesn't change anything between them. Really, it's something Hank should have known by now... but Hank has always been a little slow on the uptake when it comes to feelings. He couldn't change a thing about Connor, hopefully Connor wouldn't change a thing about him, either. ]
I'm an asshole.
[ Hank finally says, sniffling past the tears. How fucking embarrassing. It's a good thing it's just Connor -- Hank will never have to feel embarrassed around Connor, not after this. ]
no subject
He feels Connor die, again and again. Tears start to make their way down Hank's face as well. Each time Connor died, he without regret, each time he would freely give his life for him. Hank feels how incredible and unwavering Connor's love is for him, how he holds onto Hank because he is steady, because he will always be there and keep him safe. It's all true -- and Hank recognizes he is hurting him. Connor isn't trying to hurt him because Connor means every word he says to Hank. How could he lie to someone he loves so deeply? He wouldn't. Hank knows that. He can feel that.
Connor hadn't made it to the Chicken Feed, he'd been alone then, but he is not alone now.
He would never be alone, because Hank is there for him. And he loves him. And it is different, Hank can feel that, but it isn't any less and it doesn't change anything between them. Really, it's something Hank should have known by now... but Hank has always been a little slow on the uptake when it comes to feelings. He couldn't change a thing about Connor, hopefully Connor wouldn't change a thing about him, either. ]
I'm an asshole.
[ Hank finally says, sniffling past the tears. How fucking embarrassing. It's a good thing it's just Connor -- Hank will never have to feel embarrassed around Connor, not after this. ]