I'm in just about the same boat with my anime... Maybe even more so...

[Mitarai has always felt an overwhelming desire to run away from his cruel world. Only recently did he develop weapons to lash out. It's the cowardly demeanor that is ironically more forthcoming and open.]

I did write a few letters during the course, to keep my report production skills up... And to follow Monika-san's recommendation. But I think those letters would just make him hate me even more. They were basically just about... how trapped in this situation I felt, and why I c-couldn't count on anyone. He sees me as a crybaby... [His lips twitch, acknowledging that evaluation is basically right.]