deadtention | R1 DEADLAND

[eve is here for easy, early access. Just... taking pictures. At least for now.]

(( OOC: Please check out Yoosung's Permission Post for spoilers and/or triggering content!))

Agggh!

[To those who are waking up (or unfreezing, as the case may be,) a familiar voice's shout resounds - Yoosung appeared in a second like the batting of an eye, all tossed around and confused. His arms are flailing around - for surely, he has found his second wind a mere instant after the rope made him pass out! This is his chance! - but as the moment of frenzy passes, he realizes that all of the pain is gone, that no one is pressing him into the floor, and for that matter, he's standing up. He can even gulp down some sweet air with no trouble, and for the moment, he looks safe.

It is like he was hallucinating. His trembling hands reach for his throat and find no abrasions. His hands have no cuts. Then what was all that? Does it mean he can't trust his mind? A cackling voice worms out of his inner ear, reminding him he has no right to think. As his memories come washing back, Yoosung falls to his knees. The desperate struggle of his desire to survive intermingling with mere resignation to surviving although death would be more merciful, only hanging on by a tangled thread of his love.... a sacrifice. Isn't that what he is? It doesn't matter whether the Yoosung who scarred Grantaire or the Yoosung he's supposed to be now, keeping his wretched promise was right. He failed to protect anyone, doesn't deserve to see that girl... what else could be left for him? Whatever the reason it could be that he's still haunting this school, it couldn't possibly matter.

So Yoosung doesn't think. Instead, his lips tremble and he just sobs hopelessly. Repeating her name. It's the one thing that brings him comfort, and keeps him from going insane.]

[ Mishima can't even remember what he was just doing a second ago, but when he blinks his eyes open now... Wait. This is... Fayflower, isn't it? Right in front of him is the nurse's office where he'd taken supply inventory with Kurusu. (And right behind him is the gym where-- well.) Are they... are they back?

He only has a few seconds to wonder before he hears that shout from somewhere nearby. It is familiar, though not enough that he can place it with certainty, but-- well, he's sure it's not Aiden, and there's no one else among the dead that it could even plausibly belong to, so unless this is another disembodied mystery voice situation-- Are they really back?

With tentative hope starting to bubble up in his chest (even if that wasn't the most encouraging sound, really), he hurries in the direction he thinks it came from, and--

Oh my god. In that first instant, before he can get a look at the expression on Yoosung's face, before he can hear the sobbing, Mishima's eyes light up like they haven't in a long time. If he's back in the school and Yoosung is here, he must be alive again, right? (Because, surely, it would never be the other way around.) For a brief moment, he lets himself believe this means the worst of it is over, that neither of them will have to feel so bad about what happened anymore, and that he'll get to see Kurusu and Kunikida again too, and that he didn't leave his mom alone after all, and...

...And that's not... what this is, is it?

Right.

Maybe he kind of knew that from the beginning, but actually accepting it hits him like an all too familiar punch in the gut, and for some time, he just stands wordlessly behind his friend.

What the hell... What happened? Why? ]

...Hey.

[The voice behind him is gentle, but it's still behind him - Yoosung shudders nervously at being spoken to. It's still Fayflower, though, and though losing himself in this haze of emotion and shutting people out is tempting, he should probably, against all odds, get his shit together. Partly because of Mishima, he wanted so badly to be a better role model this time. How depressing that it didn't work out. Maybe Mitarai was right about him, but that doesn't mean he should stop trying. He still takes another moment to answer, wanting to at least rub as many tears out of his eyes as he can with the heels of his palms. He's not finished before he decides he's taking too long to respond.]

H-H-Hey... [A sniff, and then he actually turns his tear-stained face back to look at who it is. His mouth hangs open in a gape, but then he closes it. Mishima's the first one to come greet him. That feels really nice. Of the ways he could have confirmed he's truly died, this is definitely the kindest he could think of, other than meeting Rika. Then again, is it too late for that?] ...Are you here to take me to heaven?

[Like a guide, he means. He hopes that's the case so much. He doesn't know how he can deal with any more bullshit happening. So many hurtful thoughts are swimming around in his head, it would be nice to find a place to pour them all out and leave them behind. He absolutely has NOT gotten his shit together yet in a very pathetic obvious way.]

I'm really s-sick of this place...

I don't know if they'd let me in even as an escort.

[ He forces a chuckle at that, but it's... not really a joke, and he averts his eyes slightly, rubbing the side of his neck. ]

Sorry. I don't know what's going on, honestly.

[ He really, really doesn't know. This shouldn't be right. It was messed up enough that Hollyleaf was here, but Yoosung had passed their stupid exam, so why... ]

I... thought you were going to be safe after I was gone.

[ Is this what his legacy was? Are they just going to keep continuing what he started? ]

[The smile he'd pulled tightly on for the hope of a better place falls off as soon as it's dashed like that, and the apology right after makes him think that they must not have found a way to escape the place after all. The pit in Yoosung's stomach deepens as the gravity of that sinks in. He doesn't know what to say to any of it. He just feels more worthless not having been able to keep himself safe after Mishima's wish had been for him to live instead of fight. He tried to be tougher, more of an adult, the kind that wouldn't have let him down or made him worry in the first place, and he failed miserably. The guilt is burning in his throat. Yoosung groans and pulls himself back to his feet.]

I tried to stop him, to force him to give up but... [But what excuse can he give? His hand lifted to gesture just flounders for a bit. Mishima said he doesn't know what's going on. That means he probably wasn't watching over them as this happened, which is a good thing.] ...I shouldn't talk about it. No, I can't. I think I'll faint if I remember that again.

[Instead, all the other times he's been choked take its place. Horrible memories, but at least they're not as fresh. He's endured them already. Yoosung can handle it. Right now he's just confused.]

I just wish I'd figured out how to become stronger before I died! I wanted to be the sort of person you could have relied on back then, but I'm really no better now than I was before... this isn't how I wanted to meet either.

[Tears are still falling, slowly, making him sniffle. He doesn't know how to make them stop.]

We're really ... still stuck here?

[He wants to go. He doesn't know where. He doesn't have a "home," he gave it up to protect the only one he loves. Even "heaven" was just a wishful thought he had from seeing a friend - he never believed very much in such a concept before, even if Rika did. A self contained afterlife in Fayflower is just so absurd he can't wrap his mind around it.]

[ What-- Mishima's not blaming him for anything, it's not Yoosung he's disappointed in. It makes him feel like trash that he essentially just made his friend apologize to him for being murdered. Jesus. ]

Y-yeah, you don't have to talk about it.

[ Not like there won't be plenty of time to dwell on it later anyway, if his previous few weeks here were any indication.

He should clarify that he's not disappointed in him, right? That he's sure not being strong enough had nothing to do with it, but... god, he really sucks at coming up with comforting and reassuring words. Maybe that's just how it is when you've so rarely been on the receiving end of any.

That question comes before he can settle on what to say, though, and he mentally slaps himself as he goes along with the shift in conversation. ]

I think so. I mean... it didn't look like this until just now. It was still "the other side of the school" or whatever, but it looked different, and parts of it changed every so often. Like, there were a few days where this diner I used to go to with Kurusu back home showed up here?

[ That's probably not a detail anyone else cares about. ]

They... made it sound before like maybe this wasn't really the end, though. The people in charge of this place. [ Even if they were vague and confusing about it. ] And I mean, if this was a real afterlife it wouldn't really make sense for it to just be us here, cut off from everyone who died outside of the school. [ Probably. He doesn't know a lot about religion. ]

[Oh don't worry about that Mishima, these are just things he's wanted to apologize for since before you were murdered. 🙃 It's hard to accept his death when things are like this - when he died with so many regrets. Maybe if he hadn't just been so beaten down by the memories, he would have had fewer of them, could have cursed Fayflower and Grantaire instead. Now that he's gotten him talking about their current situation though, he tries to keep his focus on that. It's. Easier. And yes, they will have plenty of time to dwell.]

It might if we were vengeful ghosts, tethered to the mortal realm... but if it's not the end, that's probably better... at least it will mean something that we're here.

[He pauses.]

I have no idea what it means that a diner you knew just 'showed up' though. I get kidnapping people, but diners?

[An entire day has passed. By now, he's just going to have to accept that they can't get out of this school. He should just try to relax for now... why not at the pool?

He doesn't know, okay.

Even so, once he gets there the idea of actually swimming makes him nervous, a little. You can find him at the edge of the pool, wearing a wetsuit tanktop and shorts with a big colorful inner tube under his arm, staring at the water's surface as it glistens invitingly.

He wonders why it feels so wrong. Maybe it's just because the RFA isn't here.]

[Moving into room #1 has been nice enough, the corner room having at least a somewhat different feel (it lacks the room to the left. You know, like the one Grantaire had.) ... but on the inside, it's still the same, and so rather than find some other place to sleep that feels even less safe and would have gotten him scolded by Terra, he's decided what he needs to do is spruce it up.

So he's in the garden now, cutting roses. He's always liked them. Always wanted to give "his girlfriend" a bouquet of them in person... Of course this is girlfriend as a concept. The party's coordinator only agreed to be his "pre-girlfriend", and then he was a captive, and now he is dead, so his profile was always accurate. But he's never been above arranging these bouquets as a mere symbol. So into his room it'll go, as soon as he finds a good substitute for a vase. He actually looks a little bit happier to have at least some kind of goal now, even if that goal is painfully small and temporary.]

Well, I... think they probably projected it from my memories or something. For a few days the cafeteria we had here just kind of turned into the diner from Shibuya. And then it changed back again. I, uh, don't really know what the point of that was.

[ He'd initially thought they were just messing with him by reminding him of places he'd never see again, but after meeting Eve-san and Satou-san he'd thought maybe they'd actually been trying to make him feel at home. Which... sort of worked? He'd been disappointed to see the cafeteria go back to normal, anyway.

He doesn't know what to think of this scenery change. ]

So... What do you want to do now? We can look around together if you want, and see if we can find anyone else. Or if you want to just lie down or something... [ Dying is exhausting. He knows. ] --well, I assume there are still dorms here, so we could go find those.

[ There might still be gaming consoles around somewhere, but he doesn't want to offer that and then find out he was lying. Maybe this isn't really the time anyway. Who wants to look back on a game and remember it as the one they started playing on the day they died? ]

Sorry, I'm kind of a crappy welcome-party host.

[ Mishima had been coming out this way with the intention of taking a peek at the storage shed. Now that they actually had a pool and a shed on "the other side of the school", maybe he could get a little bit closer to finding out what had been going on with those voices from back when the power went out. He's not sure at this point how much good it would even do to get those answers if he could, but... hey, it's not like he has too much else to focus on, and it's better than sitting outside the gym and regretting all of his decisions (though he'll probably be doing that soon enough).

Oh! It looks like Yoosung... didn't... have the same idea, exactly, but he's here, so. ]

Oh, hey. Going swimming?

Mm, yep!

[it would look totally stupid to get all ready like this and then just stop, so he of course he has to respond in the positive.]

I suddenly got this chill when I looked at the water though... like it's some curse. But that's silly. It's probably just cause the last time I went swimming, Seven put on this shark fin and scared the crap outta me.

[but is he getting in yet? Nah. He's turning to look at Mishima now, who has obviously not been in the supply closet for a suit, so...]

What about you? You look kinda energetic.

[maybe that means he is up for swimming after all, but he'd listen to whatever alternative reasons for being in here. He hasn't even put his little toe in yet.]

I-I don't really want to go to the dorms. [From the hasty and clipped response, Mishima might be able to imagine what that means. This won't really make him feel like a better host though. Yoosung waves his hand around.]

But you don't have to apologize! Meeting you here first already made this easier. All of this would be a lot more confusing if I was alone... Thank you.

[It's really, really tough to actually smile. But he tries.]

We've been talking about the cafeteria, so... I guess that doesn't sound like a bad place to go. There's probably something there for this headache. [The headache is mostly from crying so much. He starts, at a bit of a stagger, toward the general direction he remembers the cafeteria being at, but then he pauses.]

It sounds like you don't know what all is here though. Why is that? Does it really change that often?

[What if things aren't where they're supposed to be?]

[ Oh... huh. He'll have to keep that in mind for when it starts getting late. Maybe there are other options for places to stay? Or maybe they can be roommates this time if that would help? ]

For headaches? I mean, there are painkillers in the nurse's office. [ Unless things changed since his last living inventory check. ] But if you just want water or... tea or something [ he hesitates a little at that suggestion, just because he remembers the context of his last cup of tea in that cafeteria ] then yeah, we can go ahead and head over there.

[ And cafeteria it is, okay. Not like he really wanted to walk by the gym again anyway, so that's fine.

At that question, he frowns slightly, and shakes his head. He really doesn't know much, which seems kind of pathetic when he's been dead for a comparatively long time by now. ]

This is the first time it's actually looked like the Fayflower we knew. Like, just now when you got here... I was just getting here too. We were in a school before, but it was a different layout and had different places.

Mhm, that's what I meant. Like a warm drink. [But not necessarily tea. He's more of a coffee kinda guy, but that can be hit or miss with headaches. Hot chocolate? They can see what they have. He keeps pace as they talk on the way.]

I guess that was your version of the vacation homes they shipped us off to. I can't believe we had to stay there for months...

[He wonders if that much time has passed here. What is time, when you're dead? Do the flowers in deadland ever wilt? Whatever the case, it all seems super anticlimactic when it all came to an end a week and a half into his stay.]

Wait, months?

[ He doesn't stop following, but that does make him do a double take. ]

I'm pretty sure it's only been a few weeks here. I mean, the days kind of blended together [ since he spent a lot of them just sleeping and being quietly depressed ] and it's felt like a long time, but still. How long has it been for you?

[ Maybe time does pass differently... but... damn it, the rest of them are still stuck in a situation like that after that long, then? ]

Huh? It was practically an entire summer break. It was June when we left, middle of August when we came back... it's almost September now.

[It's a little disappointing that the dead weren't actually able to watch over them. He has a lot to catch Mishima up on... At least that much can keep his mind somewhere else though.]

The place they took us to didn't really have any more leads as far as breaking out. It still had a wall and everything. Oh, and when we came back... the class was different. Only some of us from the 'exam' were there, and the rest were new - well not "Prospects", we're called Apprentices now. A bunch of the new guys tried to go over the wall and I guess it made them berserk. I don't really know a lot about that though cause I missed the bus.

[What is more surprising, that there is a bus at all or that Yoosung missed it? In any case, the cafeteria's here, so he starts in to boil some water and figure out what to put in it.]

Edited 2018-08-29 16:54 (UTC)

R1 DEADLAND

WEEK 3

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