[ Damn it, he's the one who's supposed to be feeling bad here. ]
No, it's... fine.
[ Just... gently grabs onto his shirt. Don't go anywhere. ]
It didn't start out as a grand plan to rescue everyone. He suggested it because he could see how scared I was.
[ Letting go, he puts his hands around his mug again, still looking down into it. ]
I really did want to help everyone and be a hero for them, but I... think I convinced myself that was the only reason I was doing it, when honestly, I was just... scared, for myself.
[ His shoulders tense. Even the location they'd settled on... he'd picked the gym because he didn't have the guts to go through with it without being able to trick himself into believing it was someone else. ]
It's pathetic, but in a lot of those memories, I kept hearing all the times my old teacher told me how weak I was, and how no one liked me enough to want to defend me even if they knew what was happening. How I was the easiest target around. So I just felt certain that whenever someone snapped, I'd be the obvious choice for them to go after.
[ He bites his lip for a moment before he finally looks up, dark eyes shining as he blinks back the tears he doesn't deserve to cry. Especially not in front of Yoosung. (Though at least now he'll get to share in his headache.) ]
I mean, I just proved Kamoshida right, didn't I? That I was weak and selfish and a coward. And I proved Hale right too, that there'd always be someone like that around who would play his game. If I hadn't... maybe no one would have, and maybe he wouldn't have tried it again. Maybe I started all of this, and I'm the reason you're...
no subject
No, it's... fine.
[ Just... gently grabs onto his shirt. Don't go anywhere. ]
It didn't start out as a grand plan to rescue everyone. He suggested it because he could see how scared I was.
[ Letting go, he puts his hands around his mug again, still looking down into it. ]
I really did want to help everyone and be a hero for them, but I... think I convinced myself that was the only reason I was doing it, when honestly, I was just... scared, for myself.
[ His shoulders tense. Even the location they'd settled on... he'd picked the gym because he didn't have the guts to go through with it without being able to trick himself into believing it was someone else. ]
It's pathetic, but in a lot of those memories, I kept hearing all the times my old teacher told me how weak I was, and how no one liked me enough to want to defend me even if they knew what was happening. How I was the easiest target around. So I just felt certain that whenever someone snapped, I'd be the obvious choice for them to go after.
[ He bites his lip for a moment before he finally looks up, dark eyes shining as he blinks back the tears he doesn't deserve to cry. Especially not in front of Yoosung. (Though at least now he'll get to share in his headache.) ]
I mean, I just proved Kamoshida right, didn't I? That I was weak and selfish and a coward. And I proved Hale right too, that there'd always be someone like that around who would play his game. If I hadn't... maybe no one would have, and maybe he wouldn't have tried it again. Maybe I started all of this, and I'm the reason you're...