deadtention | R1 DEADLAND

Entry tags:

round 1

R1 DEADLAND

[it’s strange, for the people who were already dead, the shift in scenery is sudden and complete. For those who have just arrived? It’s like you’re back where you left?

How strange.

But if you ever need her, you can always reach out to the guardian of this place.]

LOCATIONS
Note: locations lag a week behind the living counterparts

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Damn it, he's the one who's supposed to be feeling bad here. ]

No, it's... fine.

[ Just... gently grabs onto his shirt. Don't go anywhere. ]

It didn't start out as a grand plan to rescue everyone. He suggested it because he could see how scared I was.

[ Letting go, he puts his hands around his mug again, still looking down into it. ]

I really did want to help everyone and be a hero for them, but I... think I convinced myself that was the only reason I was doing it, when honestly, I was just... scared, for myself.

[ His shoulders tense. Even the location they'd settled on... he'd picked the gym because he didn't have the guts to go through with it without being able to trick himself into believing it was someone else. ]

It's pathetic, but in a lot of those memories, I kept hearing all the times my old teacher told me how weak I was, and how no one liked me enough to want to defend me even if they knew what was happening. How I was the easiest target around. So I just felt certain that whenever someone snapped, I'd be the obvious choice for them to go after.

[ He bites his lip for a moment before he finally looks up, dark eyes shining as he blinks back the tears he doesn't deserve to cry. Especially not in front of Yoosung. (Though at least now he'll get to share in his headache.) ]

I mean, I just proved Kamoshida right, didn't I? That I was weak and selfish and a coward. And I proved Hale right too, that there'd always be someone like that around who would play his game. If I hadn't... maybe no one would have, and maybe he wouldn't have tried it again. Maybe I started all of this, and I'm the reason you're...

[Yoosung's heart hammers for a brief moment as his shirt's grabbed, but the touch is so soft that his tension still fades, like a whistling kettle finally quieting down. Right, he needs to get his shit together. Mishima isn't saying Yoosung put him in a bad position, he just... needs him.... He puts on a sheepish smile, stumbling backwards a little to return to his seat.

In a way, this is something he's been dreaming about - to listen to him talk about this, one more time. Yoosung's grief clings to him like ticks, never ceasing in their itch, coloring his every move. He strongly believes he should understand everything even when he couldn't possibly. As he listens, it becomes even more clear that grief hasn't left just because they really did meet again. He's still so angry with Sherlock- with Hale. And now, he has this Kamoshida bastard to be angry at too. He remembers what Mishima said when they first met, about the Phantom Thieves and the volleyball teacher. He never heard the whole story, but to have it confirmed like this... it's horrible that Hale made him relive that all week. Yoosung's reeling even from just recalling his captivity for a couple minutes. (He'll try not to think about why he was spared from his actual worst memories, during that time - Oswald must have known his fear of his roommate would be enough, and that's enough to make him feel retroactively guilty.)

There's an ache he feels, hearing Mishima talk about himself like this. But his eyes connect, wet with desperation, and Yoosung can't take it anymore. No amount of mini marshmallows can drown out the bitterness of such tears.]

S-Stop... [His hands, on either side of the cup, push against the table and raise him back out of his seat as he leans forward.] Stop blaming yourself! Kamoshida, Oswald, and even Sherlock used your vulnerability... they're all shitty adults! Your seniors are supposed to take care of you... and yet... no one ever took responsibility!

[He ASSUMES, if he is still talking like this, that Sherlock didn't even come over to acknowledge his bullshit. No wonder Yoosung has felt so obligated to take some of the guilt by thinking it was because he was weak in front of his juniors. But that was an emotional outburst. He should try to... wipe this new batch of tears, and then use logic... He wishes, once again, that he could have kept doing this with Vivi.]

Listen... T-There's no way that Hale would give up. There's this whole 'virus' and 'hijacking' bullshit he's touting now... And he didn't even use nightmares this time. He just offered some kind of... valuable gift. Grantaire strangled me for a bribe, you don't deserve that blame.

[By now, Yoosung is shaking. He sits back in his chair. He forces a smile.]

Okay?

[He picks up his mug, taking an anxious quaff. The headache is back in full swing.]

Edited 2018-09-01 20:03 (UTC)

[ Mishima didn't know what kind of a reaction to expect. At least some disappointment, and any anger he expects to be directed at him. Maybe that's why he flinches momentarily when Yoosung stands up so suddenly, even if he trusts completely that he wouldn't hurt him. But when it's all directed elsewhere...

He'd been dwelling on this in silence for all the weeks he'd been here before this, before he even knew anything about the trouble the survivors were still in, and the idea of letting go of all the self-hatred he's been building up seems impossible. But being absolved of his guilt by the one who has the most to hold against him -- even if that in itself leaves him feeling conflicted, because he still doesn't think he deserves it -- takes much of that weight off his chest.

He still doesn't really see what Sherlock did as taking advantage of him; all he got out of it was dying, even if it wasn't supposed to be permanent, and really, it was the most any adult had been willing to do to help him in a long time. But that's not something he wants to argue that much. And "shitty adults", at least, is a familiar theme he can get behind... one that kind of makes him miss Sakamoto a little.

...Right. This is the kind of thing the Phantom Thieves would fight against, and they'd stand up for everyone who was being used by Hale and whatever higher-ups he has. (Not going to think too hard just now about the fact that their leader is still trapped there among them.)

He swallows and gives a weak nod in response, and finally takes a sip from his mug -- those tears are still threatening to spill over, but he figures it's probably harder to cry when you're drinking something; and the warmth and sweetness do help calm his mind at least a little. Even if the marshmallows are long gone now.

...Strangled for a bribe, though... What the fuck. Mishima may have a hard time forgiving himself, but that person is one he'll never forgive. ]

[That wasn't much of a response... but it was an affirmative one. Seeing the guilt drain out of him, he thinks he got through to Mishima a little, but he realizes he wasn't very eloquent. He puts the mug down again, sadly.]

No one should have ever asked a nice kid like you to take a life. That's just not something a sensible person would do... none of us were in our right minds because of those stupid memories, but even so... all of us were hurting. There's no reason it should have been you.

[If he'd asked someone his own age, Yoosung's sure they would have told him to snap out of it. But Mishima admired him, didn't he? Sherlock Holmes - he's supposed to be a hero in his own way. He's certainly not a character Yoosung ever thought he'd have a vendetta against. He's not Moriarty, for god's sake.

These statements apply to Hale as well, though. Hale is the one who ultimately asked the group, which included Mishima, to kill. He's the real villain. He has to try and remember that. But this Kamoshida stuff too... is bothering him still. It strikes a bit close to home, now, all things considered.]

Your memories, though... you were remembering that asshole Kamoshida, huh? He's... the guy you said got his heart changed, isn't he.

[Maybe talking about the Phantom Thieves will cheer him up. Yoosung was always interested, even if now he's pretty sure he'll never get the opportunity to use Mishima's website.]

Y-yeah.

[ Ugh... This is totally backwards. Yoosung is the one who just died, why did he end up being the one cheering Mishima up? He guesses he could still be helping by being a distraction though, so...

He takes another sip, followed by a deep breath. ]

The Phantom Thieves' first target. He used to be some big Olympic volleyball champion, and he had pretty much the whole school under his thumb for years. It wasn't really a secret to anyone there what he was doing, but no one ever tried to stop it. Finally after one of his students attempted suicide, the Phantom Thieves stepped in and did what no one else would.

[ ...He should probably clarify.]

T-that wasn't me, for the record.

[ He'd never had the guts to consider that either. ]

They got him to confess to everything and turn himself in. I still don't know how they do it, but... it really changed all of our lives.

[It is a distraction, but it's a little more than that. Yoosung has always felt better when he's able to help someone - it's why he genuinely loved volunteering, why his fight with Mitarai made him sob, why he died with so many regrets when this end had been so genuinely useless. Even knowing what Grantaire was using his death for might have made him feel a little better, at this rate, but he doesn't even have that to go off of. He feels so small, knowing that most likely, even all the torture he was enduring would have gone to waste now that he's gone and Saeran would be bored. There's nothing of value left in Yoosung's life... so why wouldn't he care about someone else's problems more than his own? Honestly, it just feels really nice that he actually listens to his advice. That they can have hot chocolate together and not be in pain. It's more than he deserves, being such a failure at everything. Having the freedom to think about someone else's problems instead of his own is actually something he could consider a privilege in retrospect.

But maybe that's exactly how Mishima felt too, being in this hell of a school where everyone knew and they ignored it. It's really even worse.... Yoosung was tortured as a willing sacrifice, but a small part of him still knows that someone would probably help him if he dared to risk crying out. He was never truly alone, since his heart was full of love. It wasn't so bad by the end. He was "happy." Coming to Fayflower just made him forget that. But if he can get rid of his regrets, he can finally get on with accepting his death. The fact that it happened already seems like the best thing for now, since he's got nothing to go back to. Mishima has his better life thanks to the Phantom Thieves, and that's much better.]

Yeah, I can imagine. It must have looked like there was no escape before they showed up. Though, I guess you at least would have graduated eventually...

[The "at least" almost makes it sound like it's in comparison to something. He doesn't notice that he let that slip though. Really, though, Mishima's not wrong to think that it's strange Yoosung isn't talking about himself. It's definitely very strange.]

[ That phrasing does strike him as a little odd, and he frowns slightly, pausing for a moment to see if he's going to add anything else. When nothing else comes, though, he continues himself, with some hesitation. ]

...Yeah. [ ... ] I'd already resigned myself to it a long time before that. I didn't think there was any point in trying to stand up to him when I knew I'd just get beaten back down, so I was just going to do what he said and wait it out for the last two years.

[ He absently traces his fingers in a curve beneath his left eye. It's been a long while now since he's had any scrapes or bruises there, but it took him about a month to break the habit of touching his cheek to make sure his previously ever-present bandage was still sticking. ]

At least I got really good at first aid if nothing else... haha...

[ It's a half-hearted laugh that trails off quickly. He could have done without that skill, actually.

Taking another sip, he raises his eyes up from his mug. As much as he often kind of likes being the center of attention, and even though he's the one that took them down this route in the first place... is this really what they're going to stay on? ]

[Another half-hearted laugh in response. He notices the gesture at his cheek as a possible strange tic, but there's nothing there. It's right on his face though, so it's not hard to imagine what it could have been. Not that he wants to imagine it. In fact, he's having to try hard not to mirror it with some very real sympathy pains. Yoosung grins and bears it. Fortunately, that's a skill he already developed long before it was truly needed.]

I'd say it could save your life one day, but welp...

[There's a little sigh as he takes another small sip - it's so weird whenever he acutely remembers they're having this conversation in some kind of parallel universe afterlife. Anyway, somehow, his throat got a bit tight listening to all that. Gotta relax. As he takes the cup down though, he notices that Mishima's kind of staring at him. A little expectantly... oh. He wants to pass him the baton, so to speak. Or at least, he's giving him an opening.

He's really not used to being a closed book. He finds he wants to tell him.... he'd understand. But it'd be the first time he vented like that to someone outside of the RFA... even as he knows he's never going to see the RFA again. Besides, even they never knew the real depths of how pitiful he'd become. He's never told anyone that. He's never been a victim in someone's eyes before. But... that label, 'victim' will be inevitable now that he's already been killed with a rope. He should just accept that. But he's not ready to just jump headfirst into that yet... oh! How about...]

This is kind of a weird question, but... did you remember anything when you died? I vaguely recall Kurusu telling you about some kind of time discrepancy thing that I didn't understand... I thought it was weird he would bring up something like that at that timing, but now I remember a bunch of stuff I didn't back then.... so.

[As soon as he asks, he realizes it's actually kind of unlikely that Mishima did. They were talking about a "change of heart" and Mishima already said he still doesn't know how they do it...]

Edited 2018-09-02 05:47 (UTC)

[ That one actually is kind of funny, as dark as it is. It really is weird, though. And while it's been weird, it feels a lot more surreal when the person he's talking to is one he's been thinking this whole time he'd never see again.

"Remember anything"... He's pretty sure he knows what he means, but... ]

Mm... No, I didn't remember anything new after that. [ He sighs, shoulders slumping slightly. ] Which kind of sucks, actually... it just feels pretty lame to have someone else know more about what happens to you than you do.

[ He's thought about it quite a few times since then, too. How he apparently had a rotten "shadow" just like Kamoshida had, and how it had been bad enough for the Phantom Thieves to go after him, too. He'd ended up changing his own heart, though, Kurusu had said. Mishima sure wished he could remember how.

He shifts his mug in his hands, looking at it thoughtfully. ]

I still don't understand how they could have done that, if it's true. Like, taking us from different points in time? And Kurusu obviously talked to me sometime after the last memory I have from home, so it's not like I was just gone and no one noticed.

[ At least that part is reassuring, since that might have been a real concern otherwise. ]

I mean, not that I really understand how they did any of the rest of this either.

[ ...Getting back to the question that raised, though. ]

What kind of stuff did you remember? Just... things that happened back home that took place after the last thing you'd remembered before?

[ Just from his tone he's guessing whatever it was didn't involve getting the top rank in LOLOL. ]

[So he really didn't remember anything... well, even though Yoosung sort of expected that, when Mishima puts it that way, it's something that's interesting to him. Talking to him after the last memory as this place had never happened in between seems impossible. In response, all kinds of manic theories come out of the woodwork of his thoughts.]

Maybe it's not time checkpoints, but was really like a parallel universe... or an alternate one. You probably know that from science fiction, but I always thought about that kind of stuff. That maybe there's a lot of ways a situation could have gone, and those branching routes really exist in some other dimension. The only difference is the 'programming' in our brains. If you're 'programmed' differently, you make different decisions... normally that 'programming' is just what you call the butterfly effect, but it could also be possible for person to mess with intentionally...

[Yoosung pauses, suddenly aware that even though he's thought about this kind of thing before, that doesn't mean it won't sound totally crazy to a listener. He shouldn't think this much. It just makes him look weird, how can he salvage that? It's not like he can just say "We're in the route God abandoned" and call it a day.]

... I-I mean, maybe that's also what a change of heart is like. I don't really know at all though. That probably sounds silly, right?

[He sits back in his chair, letting his eyes roll up to the ceiling for a moment. God. He should just answer the freaking question.]

Yeah. I didn't forget anything from before. It's definitely all stuff from later on... The truth is, I.

[The most important part of the story is... He cracks a wistful smile.]

...I fell in love. [But for some reason, the tears have already started to form in his eyes, and every feature except his fond lips are deeply etched with misery.]

[ Yoosung, remember who you're talking to, and where you are. Maybe Mishima had been skeptical about the whole ghost idea at first back during the power outage, but at this point, drinking hot chocolate together in a dead-dimension version of the school they'd been kidnapped to along with talking, pen-wielding birds... There aren't many theories that he'd consider wacky enough to judge someone for.

Besides, he's thought about the alternate universe theory plenty. Like he's from one timeline, and Kurusu's from another where maybe just one thing was different. Like... his own disappearance, maybe. Maybe this version of him was never supposed to be saved. ]

I mean, sure, it does sound like crazy sci-fi stuff, but... [ But "programmed to make different decisions" doesn't sound completely implausible as an explanation for the changes in the Thieves' targets. ] I don't know what method they use to change hearts, and... we're here, so who knows what's out there.

[ He goes quiet after that, without going into his own ideas, and waits patiently... with some uncertainty now. Is this personal stuff he doesn't want to talk about? Should he not have asked? I mean, they were kind of sharing some pretty personal stuff already, but...

Oh.

... ]

Oh.

[ He's not about to ask Isn't that a good thing? because even if it was, the fact that he's here now means there couldn't have been a happy ending. He doesn't want to say I'm sorry either though, because what the hell kind of response is that to someone's relationship? ]

Is she someone you knew before?

Y-Yeah, sorta.

[He feels kind of ashamed that he's already having to wipe his eyes, but Yoosung can't help it. The burden of his love is heavy, and even if it weren't, he misses her a lot.]

Before I remembered, I thought I'd only known her for four days. She was the new coordinator for the fundraising parties the RFA does, but she showed up kind of mysteriously in our chat room and V had us accept her into the group anyway, and because she was filling Rika's shoes - even living in her apartment! - I just took a lot of interest in her. Rika had been gone for years, but was a really important person in my life, after all...

....But she was always so cheerful and she supported me every day from when she joined. Even when I was confused, she gave me the chance to see what she was really like, and I felt so close to her then! No one's ever given me attention like that outside of family, or tried so hard to understand me, or... or see potential in me. As the days went by she became all I ever thought about, making her proud, becoming the man I thought she would want me to be. I even had motivation to study... somehow it made me excited about my major again, too. It happened so fast... She just became my everything. Sappy, I don't know a better way to say it than that, though. I always wanted to be a sappy boyfriend anyway, haha.

[There was warmth in his voice throughout all of that, like the love he was recanting was a light from within. He feels like there is more to say, but that train of thought was endless, so he picks up his mug again and swallows down the last gulp left in the cup, the miniscule amount of liquid that had created a sugary mush at the bottom. After he sets it back down, he views the emptiness that's left. It wasn't tea leaves, there's no divination of fates, if he'd ever have believed in that kind of Hogwarts nonsense to begin with. There's just a brown stain with no particular shape, and in the end, it didn't even accomplish anything, because his headache is still there. If anything, the pain and warmth together just make his head swim more.]

The mystery around her just kept getting deeper though... well, not really her, RFA. All of a sudden we were under attack... and there was a bomb in Rika's apartment. An actual bomb! We couldn't even take it out or let her leave the apartment because of the way it was set up, and I was so scared I was going to lose her, just like Rika...! Something like this could be exactly what V was hiding all along about her death! I could never forgive that if it happened. If I could protect her I didn't even care if I died. Still, I waited... and waited until finally Seven found where the hacker was attacking us from - a cult in the middle of the mountains. So I made him take me along. It was too dangerous for one person, and if anything went wrong I didn't think there'd be another chance to save her... s-she was so scared, begging for me to protect her so much...

[Ah. The waterworks are coming back. Hello, old friend. He'll just duck his head down, clenching his teeth and willing them to go away. They don't.]

He had a switch, he was taunting us with, bombs in the apartment and the cult's hideout too, saying he'd blow us all up together like a h-happy... family...

[Yoosung hadn't really registered the depth of his meaning at the time, that he was really part of the family. But it was a fact that he'd learned since with his entire body. He talked about his mother often, when it came to his sources of "inspiration." Yoosung had never met her, but he had come to hate her.]

So I tackled him, held him down until Seven could take the switch!! I made him run! I told him I would go after, but I lied. B-Because... if I did that, who would stop him next time? I had to stop him for good, or she'd always be afraid... she might even be killed! He was screaming, so enraged, he didn't have anything left in his life after his "Savior" let him go. He really was trying to die together with us... so I said to let them go, and he could do anything he wanted with me. I thought if he wanted to die, I'd die happy saving her. But he... he wanted so much more, he...

[Yoosung's hands shakily raise up to cover his face, resting his elbows on the table.]

He did whatever he wanted, and he never stopped, even if I wanted to - especially if I didn't want to, he'd just laugh and be even happier about it. It was months of roleplaying... and it's sick, but I was so happy. I felt so right for sacrificing myself so she'd be fine... but Fayflower took that all away! It's been so long since I've been here and... [He spreads his fingers around his face so his eyes can stare listlessly at the table.] And that means they're dead now. Saeran was very clear about our deal.

[Yoosung finally lets his hands drop. Finally, his tears are just dropping freely on the table.]

It doesn't feel real. Living like I was when I first met her, and fighting so hard not to die.... it seemed so terrifying and painful while it was happening, but it's nothing, with what I've already been through. It's like one is a dream and the other is real, but I don't which one it is and they're both shit choices... I don't want to go back to that terrible reality, but I don't want to be alone with nothing and empty... that's what my past self was. Heh, you probably already knew that though.

[He sniffles pathetically, and finally, he lets out a long sigh... it sounds kind of creaky. He talked until his throat was sore. Guess holding that in for so long wasn't such a good idea.]

[ Mishima just listens quietly, to what he expects is going to be a simple romance story. A part of him -- that awful, selfish part that he hates -- almost feels a little jealous at first that a fellow internet recluse got to have a relationship like that with a girl. But that's an incredibly shitty thought to have about someone he likes, especially in this context, and this was why no one had ever wanted to be friends with him, and he mentally stomps the idea into the ground. Anyway, someone who cheered him up and motivated him to be a better person -- even if there'd never been a chance for it to get romantic, he'd kind of had that in Kunikida in the short time he'd known her, right? And before that, he'd... He'd kind of had it in Kurusu.

But that pause as Yoosung finishes his drink is like an intermission between acts, and the second part of the story-- none of that is what Mishima expects to hear at all, and his eyes just get wider as it goes on. It doesn't sound real either; it all sounds like the plot to some kind of drama, and it's hard to believe that someone as normal and comfortable to be around as Yoosung could have even been involved in something like that. But even if he were the kind of person to lie -- which Mishima can't really even imagine -- there's no way that pain isn't real. He knows pain, he thinks, though it's... never been anything quite like that.

Yoosung is... actually a really cool person, isn't he? Even if he sees himself as pathetic for the awful way things ended up, the path he took there... he was being strong and courageous, actually taking action and putting himself in danger to protect other people. It was almost the exact opposite of what Mishima had been in his world. Scared to the point of doing nothing at all, selling out the people around him for his own safety.

He'd always thought the two of them had a lot in common, but... when it comes to things like courage, things that count, maybe Yoosung is more like Kurusu and Sakamoto than he is like Mishima.

Fuck. If there really are alternate timelines, he'd like to jump over to one where he hadn't just opened up about his own story, because it seems almost insulting to have put them on the same level. ]

Sorry, I. I had no idea you'd been through any of that.

[ The words are kind of mumbled, and it's obvious he doesn't have any idea what to say. He reaches out, though, a little tentatively, and puts his hand -- still warm from the mug he's been holding -- over Yoosung's. Kind of like Yoosung had done for Mishima at his trial, right? When he offered him his hand. That had... helped. ]

You're... really awesome.

[ He pauses for a moment; he doesn't really expect him to accept that. ]

I know you probably don't think so because of how things ended up, and... god, I'm really sorry, about all of it. But what you were willing to go through for other people is--

[ Maybe it's just because he's such a coward that he finds it so impressive, but. ]

You're a really good person.

[At first, Yoosung forces a two-second apologetic smile, because of course Mishima wouldn't have known to expect this. He certainly didn't, when they were in 'school' together, and it just kind of came out all at once... but the gesture he makes next stops his smiles and tears, leaving him with just his mouth hanging open in a moment of speechlessness. To be seen as "awesome" instead of a fool throwing away his life, like always. To validate him while sharing the comfort of his body temperature - yeah, it's just holding his hand, not much different from the handshake they'd shared before, but he has new eyes with which to view such a gesture. He sees the abyss in human contact he was supposed to have, should have had with her, and needs very badly now. Yoosung hiccups and his fingers wrap around it like a lifeline. He doesn't see how he could be awesome when he had lost so much, but the offering itself is precious. He might actually be a loser, and his submission the ultimate result of his stagnation winning out, but... he never was a "bad person," right? Maybe he can believe that much... or maybe not.]

I-I don't know... I think I was just desperate... I endured the pain but I didn't have any better ideas. If I'd been smarter... or tougher... if I'd tried to kill him then m-maybe it wouldn't have ended this way...If Grantaire was allowed to kill me for whatever the hell it was...

[then surely Yoosung could have at least considered getting his hands dirty, he means. What ways could he have saved her? What timelines could he have jumped into? If only... if...]

In the end, do you think my love carried over? Did I ... really do good... I just want to know that I wasn't worthless!

[ Mishima winces a little at that part -- if I'd tried to kill him -- and though he's not going to say it right now, because it would probably sound like a patronizing lecture and he doesn't know how to phrase any of it anyway, he's just really glad he didn't. It's a super old cliche, but it really does change you, even if the person totally deserves it, or even if it's their idea and they walk you through every step of it. It sucks, and he doesn't want Yoosung to have to deal with that on top of everything else. ]

Yeah. I'm sure she understood what you did for her, and how lucky she was to have someone who cared as much as you did. I don't think most people would have it in them to go as far as you did.

[ He looks at their joined hands and gives a supportive squeeze. He's got enough blood on his own for both of them.

God... he still really hates that Yoosung is here instead of back with home with his girlfriend, or anywhere but here, but he's also... really glad that he's getting to talk to him right now, even if it hurts. And he thinks maybe, right now, he's doing some good too? Maybe he's not completely worthless either, even without his website. ]

And I'm absolutely, one hundred percent sure that you're not worthless to me.

For, uh. Whatever that's worth.

[The consoling pressure compels Yoosung to look down at their hands, exhaling slowly. In any case, he was just reaching desperately - he knows why he didn't kill, because Saeran looked so much like his best friend, and even though he didn't understand what was going on with them, he was important to Seven. On some level, Yoosung was protecting him too. It's nice though, hearing it reaffirmed. He did better than most could have. That has to be enough for now... that, and being of worth to Mishima. After a summer of holding on to both of their laptops and obsessing over the many ways how he thought he let him down, yes, that definitely has value. Though he believed he was gone forever, now their bond is literally the most reliable thing he has to hold on to right now. The thought that he might feel the same way too, after all that they've come to share, is enough to bring a smile to his face that is sincere, if incredibly tired.]

I... I think it's worth plenty. We're all we have right now, right? [It's a 'we' that is broad enough to include whatever other dead are in this place, but he definitely also means it personally.]

Even if it's messed up like this... Mishima, I'm thankful we met again.

[ That first part gives Mishima some pause, because he still really wants to believe he can rely on Kurusu, somehow. He still thinks that if anyone manages to end all of this and fix things, it'll be him.

But... yeah. These are the friends who are here with him now -- Yoosung, and Aiden and Hollyleaf too -- and he's going to be a better friend for all of them this time, as long as they'll have him. He smiles back. ]

Yeah. Me too.

[ It's another second before he lets go of Yoosung's hand; then he finally takes the last sip of his hot chocolate -- lukewarm by now, and kind of powdery, so maybe "hot chocolate" isn't really the name for it anymore. He sets the mug a little to the side, and shifts in his seat. ]

Are you feeling any better?

[ Personally, Mishima has more of a headache than he did before, but he kind of feels better anyway. ]

[Yoosung isn't thinking so far ahead as the future, as being fixed and set right... as of this moment in time, surviving day to day without hope or expectations is how he's learned to live. He's focused on what's in front of him. That doesn't mean he's giving up, but for now, believing in the others is far from his mind. After all, if he'd believed Seven would rescue him, wouldn't he be feeling even more despair right now? If anything, the dead should be figuring out what they can do for the living. What does "the other side of the school" mean... it's a mystery that needs to be solved.

Yoosung's headache is worse too. His eyes are sore, but have stopped leaking... he's used up all the tears that he had for today. But even though more has left his body than entered it, he feels a little less empty now. That's something.]

I'm beat.... but yeah, sort of. It was good getting that off my chest. I never thought I'd be telling someone about it.

[He'd either die or it would go without saying from the disfigurement he'd eventually wind up with. Maybe he'd write his last thoughts in a journal so she'd find them, thoughts of love. But life and death had other plans.]

[ It's not like Yoosung had even had a chance to talk about this with anyone else when he hadn't even gotten the memories back until just now, and Mishima knows it, but it's still kind of a nice feeling, getting to be someone's confidant. He'd considered himself something kind of like that for Kurusu, but that was different, almost always about requests and targets. No one had ever opened up to him about anything that personal, because he'd never given them any reason to. ]

Do you want to just find the dorms and turn in after this? I mean, it's probably been a really long day for you.

[ He hasn't forgotten the reaction from the first time he mentioned that as an option though, so... ]

I... was thinking maybe we could be roommates this time, if you wanted?

[ Maybe that would help? Unless this Grantaire guy had been his roommate before, in which case maybe that wasn't the smartest offer after all.

(He still doesn't know the rooms are singles instead of doubles this time, please inform him...) ]

[It's true, the day has been long. But he's still nervous about going back there... the offer makes him sit up straighter in interest, but then just as soon as he remembers his shoulders slump again.]

I-I wish we could... the rooms are smaller this time though. We didn't have roomies.

[Thinking back, Yoosung grumps about that.]

But it sucked. No one would have ever messed with me in there if I was still sharing a room with Henry.

[Henry would have stabbed the intruder, and this is a mental image that he can treasure. Then again maybe Mishima would also do that and he should give him a chance!! (Of course he will, in his heart of hearts he doesn't actually want any more violence to happen in the dorms.)]

Maybe we can just... pick out rooms next to each other. Or have a sleepover...! [Then again, why not both?]

Oh. Seriously? Did they remodel the whole dorm or something?

[ That's kind of a disappointment. Besides providing emotional support -- which seems like it's probably an important thing now that his earlier inference has just been verified -- he just thinks it would have been fun to share a space with someone who wanted him there, where he didn't have to worry about being pushed into the role of the third wheel in his own room (again).

Then again, he's never shared a room with anyone for longer than two weeks, and they could potentially be stuck here for a thousand years, so maybe it's for the best after all that he doesn't jump right into the deep end of the living situation pool. They'll, uh, probably both want privacy at some point anyway. ]

Yeah, that still sounds good! You want to go, then?

[ He's assuming an affirmative response, so he goes ahead and picks up his mug from the table. ]

Yeah... oh, but let me take care of that! [The mug he means. Washing the dishes. He's the big brother figure here, he's decided.]

You can pick where we stay. I mean... whatever room assignments we had in the remodeled dorms, they don't mean much now. [Since Mishima wasn't even one of them. And hopefully they won't fill up so quickly that someone else will barge in.]

Huh? Oh-- Thanks.

[ Stands up and hands his mug over... Having someone else offer to do something for him feels weird and a little embarrassing, but he appreciates it! ]

Just tell me if it looks like I'm going to pick a bad one, okay?

[ i.e. your room. ]

Maybe I can find Eve-san on the way and see if she can get us an extra mattress or futon or something. I think they're usually pretty generous, as long as the request isn't too abstract or off the wall.

[ He leans against the kitchen counter near the sink. ]

Do you want me to dry?

[As Yoosung takes the cups to the sink, he responds to all of the little ideas with things like "deal" and "sounds good." Avoiding his room was the idea and he trusts that Mishima knows what he's doing with Eve... he glances over when he leans on the counter, smiling faintly. They probably don't really need to form a washing-drying assembly line when it's literally just two mugs, but Yoosung is so emotionally drained and mentally exhausted, it's honestly just kind of nice to have someone staying close. So he goes ahead and passes the first one to him as he works on the second. It's not an experience he's had very often, even before infiltrating Magenta. He was living alone, after all... but he thinks he could get used to hanging out like this.]

[ Room 2 ends up being the one he settles on, once they get to the dorms. He'd gravitated toward 3 by default just because it's kind of his number, what with his name and everything; but the room to its left just... felt right for some reason, and Yoosung seemed glad to take the room next to it, where there was no neighbor on the other side.

Mission: Futon Acquisition is a success, thankfully, and once that's set up, there's... not a whole lot left to do. It's not like he arrived here with a suitcase or anything, so there's really nothing else to set up or unpack. (He'll look into finding some game consoles and stuff later.)

When it's time to hit the hay, Mishima brushes his teeth with what he desperately hopes is a brand new toothbrush by the sink, and flops onto the bed with a sigh. Man. He's really come to appreciate sleep a lot more since he's been dead.

He props himself up on one elbow after a moment to look over toward the futon. ]

Is that comfortable enough?

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cw: suicide mention

cw brief torture mention

blanket abuse cw for this whole thread honestly

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let's also add in blanket Mystic Messenger spoiler warnings for the thread

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