[Yoosung is listening well and hard as he can, but still not hearing anything to really refute this idea that Mitarai saw him as garbage to be taken out. Mitarai did see him as despair, and he would have even killed him if he'd lived long enough to be the one there (and he probably would have, if it was the computer lab of all places. So way to make him sincerely put himself in Waver's shoes even more.) When Mitarai talks as if to defend himself, Yoosung really thinks he's going to say something else about Waver. But then suddenly Mitarai is talking about him while looking him straight in the eye, and it feels like he's locked in place, unable to focus on anything but this macabre image he's just throwing at him like a brick. His head swims trying to make sense of it as he looks back down at the shouting Mitarai.]
Aagh, that's... that's...
["Horrifying" is easily a word that could work, but in the end he's shocked speechless. After all, he may well understand that Mitarai didn't do that, but he wouldn't be saying anything this specific if somebody didn't. That bastard, Grantaire, getting so personal with his body is a thought that makes him want to cry. For a moment his mind transports him back to a place, shut off from the world, where he would be made bare and the colors his body would turn after that would be deeper than paint. But at least that had been for love. This, he.... he still doesn't even know why... what is he supposed to think now?!
He tries to ease his sharpened breaths by looking away to glance at all of his surroundings - the grass, the roses, the moon, Mishima coughing, the colorful songpyeons. But his instincts are wildly propelling him to get away from bodies near him, so he takes a step back. His legs are like jelly though, so by the time Mitarai's finished apologizing, he just falls down onto his ass. Wincing, he steadies himself with his hands, but this dizziness is not great when he's had drinks. His heart is just racing, and his head is spinning trying to keep up with reality. God, this sucks. He didn't want anyone to see him like that. It was only a couple minutes though. Maybe, if he gets back up right away, no one will notice what happened. He leans forward, pushing his arms off the ground to haul his body upwards and straighten once he's balanced enough to do so. Once he's on his feet, he finally looks back at Mitarai.]
...I just told you it's not about my happiness. [He knows, and he knows Mitarai knows that too. But... he just said that he wants people to tell him if they're concerned. Mitarai said he wanted to be friends. He has to believe he told him that because it is Mitarai's concern, a body that had disturbed him. And he's trusting him... to understand. Yoosung's heart still aches, but he's also been reminded how good he could feel under torture, thanks to its purpose. He smiles crookedly. Yeah, Mitarai obviously doesn't understand this way of becoming strong.]
It's okay to suffer, you know.... Um, thanks for telling me.
abuse mention
Aagh, that's... that's...
["Horrifying" is easily a word that could work, but in the end he's shocked speechless. After all, he may well understand that Mitarai didn't do that, but he wouldn't be saying anything this specific if somebody didn't. That bastard, Grantaire, getting so personal with his body is a thought that makes him want to cry. For a moment his mind transports him back to a place, shut off from the world, where he would be made bare and the colors his body would turn after that would be deeper than paint. But at least that had been for love. This, he.... he still doesn't even know why... what is he supposed to think now?!
He tries to ease his sharpened breaths by looking away to glance at all of his surroundings - the grass, the roses, the moon, Mishima coughing, the colorful songpyeons. But his instincts are wildly propelling him to get away from bodies near him, so he takes a step back. His legs are like jelly though, so by the time Mitarai's finished apologizing, he just falls down onto his ass. Wincing, he steadies himself with his hands, but this dizziness is not great when he's had drinks. His heart is just racing, and his head is spinning trying to keep up with reality. God, this sucks. He didn't want anyone to see him like that. It was only a couple minutes though. Maybe, if he gets back up right away, no one will notice what happened. He leans forward, pushing his arms off the ground to haul his body upwards and straighten once he's balanced enough to do so. Once he's on his feet, he finally looks back at Mitarai.]
...I just told you it's not about my happiness. [He knows, and he knows Mitarai knows that too. But... he just said that he wants people to tell him if they're concerned. Mitarai said he wanted to be friends. He has to believe he told him that because it is Mitarai's concern, a body that had disturbed him. And he's trusting him... to understand. Yoosung's heart still aches, but he's also been reminded how good he could feel under torture, thanks to its purpose. He smiles crookedly. Yeah, Mitarai obviously doesn't understand this way of becoming strong.]
It's okay to suffer, you know.... Um, thanks for telling me.