deadtention | R1 DEADLAND

[ It's different with Connor -- this is the only form of existence he's known. For Hank... well, it's going to take some getting used to. And yeah, since they're interfacing, Hank can tell he took it too far.

Wow, that's super weird, being able to just share feelings. But it's a thing they can do now. And that's... well, who else would he trust with those, if not Connor? ]

I... No, I'm sorry. Connor...

[ Hank takes a breath, in and out. Slow and steady. If he's an AI, then they did a damn good job of figuring out how he'd have an existential crisis. ]

Fuck. I'm better than this. I know...

[ He shake his head. He'd been getting better. He cut back on his drinking, he'd been helping people, not just Connor, and... And his life here, for all that it's been brief, has been longer than all the time Hank spent with Connor in Detroit.

He still has Connor. Everything is going to be fine. ]

Okay. This is... it's a lot. But it beats dying by a long shot. I figured that much already. [ Hank holds out his hand for Connor again. He's sorry. ] I can get used to this.

Edited 2018-09-17 05:21 (UTC)

[ he's a little surprised to see hank offer again, but he accepts, (simulated) white plastic meeting hank's hand. it's clear that he's tired; now that they're past the initial good of what was here, it should be apparent how rough this week has been on him. this month. this place. how he keeps fighting and fighting but somehow it's never enough.

(oh, but it was enough, because hanthaniel himself had to come after him and wasn't that something? didn't that prove that he was making progress hanthaniel had no choice but to stop? and there's a swell of pride in knowing that.)

but, too, there's forgiveness. he knows that hank didn't mean to be that way, that hank has been trying for a long time while they've been here to tell him that androids were people too. that fear can say things that people do not believe. and that fear is not the end of every conversation. because there is too much trust between them to think any differently. ]

We're together. That's what's important.

[ Hank is there. He's always there for Connor, always ready to catch him when he falls or support him when he needs a shoulder to lean on. It's no different, though Hank doesn't know what he's doing. He sends what he can -- reassurance. Gratitude. Admiration. Even love.

Connor deserves all of that and more. He should be proud of what he's accomplished. He should be proud of making it as far as he did, and for figuring out all of this. Hank, for all that he is a brilliant detective, could not have done what Connor has.

Maybe this is better, Hank could never put his feelings into words before. But he trusts Connor, more deeply than he could trust anyone in his entire life. Being able to feel that, instead of saying it, is pretty damn nice. ]

Yeah. That's what matters. We're together.

Edited 2018-09-17 05:49 (UTC)

[ connor can definitely feel that -- it's not surprising necessarily but it's hard to know what to do with it. he doesn't want to embarrass hank by pointing out the love he feels. maybe it didn't have to be complicated. maybe things could stay as they were, different kinds of love for different people. because the truth was, connor loved hank too. not in the way he loves han, maybe, but he shares the way he'd told rebecca that hank was his home. the way he's told her just how much he cared about hank after he'd found him dead.

he may be learning human emotions, but surely that was a kind of love too, wasn't it? ]

Thank you, for sharing with me.

[ Hank can't help it, the way he feels about Connor is more than just the crush he'd already admitted to. It's warm and accepting, boundless if only because it's everything he has, and every reason he had for getting better. It makes Hank's heart swell, to feel just how Connor feels about him too. It's definitely strange, feeling Connor's feeling, catching glimpses of memories and words. The emotions in those thoughts and memories make Hank tear up a bit -- certainly he's never been anyone's home before. For all that Hank knows he and Connor are partners and what that means, feeling the depth of his love for him is enough for his eyes to get glassy, tears of gratitude threatening to come through. Look, Hank's bad at feelings on a good day, it's gonna take him a while to get used to this emotion-sharing thing. He just doesn't really know what to do with someone caring about him this much.

It doesn't have to be anything more than this. If this is what love feels like, then just knowing Connor cares about him so much is enough. ]

I, uh... yeah. Thanks for... thanks for showing me how.

[ Please don't call him out, he's crying!! ]

Edited 2018-09-17 19:31 (UTC)

It's okay.

[ he doesn't let go of where they're holding hands, but he does reach over to wipe away some of hank's tears. ]

I can stop if it's too much.

[ Hank shakes his head and squeezes Connor's hand. Yeah, it's overwhelming. But in a good way. The best way. ]

I think I... I can handle this for a little bit longer.

[ He manages a smile, looking right at Connor. ]

I want to. It's just you.

[ "Just" Connor. Like Connor isn't the best thing in his life. Mmmhmm. ]

Alright.

[ he smiles too. this is really nice, actually. he doesn't remember ever interfacing with someone for a nice reason. ]

[ First time for everything, right? Hank is sure he loses track of time just holding Connor's hand like this, but whether it's been a minute or an hour, it's good. He manages to stop crying and just kind of let himself be happy. God, it's been so long since he just let himself be happy. ]

Okay, I... We should probably do something besides hold hands.

[ He's blushing though, he doesn't really want to stop. And they're dead, right? They've got all the time in the world. ]

[ it's definitely longer than it should be. connor does let go when hank says it, though. he doesn't want to let go either, but ]

You're right. I wouldn't want you to lose yourself in my data.

[ Hank brings his hands down, letting them rest awkwardly at his sides. They'll have time. There will be lots of time, now. ]

Can that, uh... can that happen?

[ Connor only felt like warmth and care, but Hank isn't good at this just yet. He wouldn't want to mess anything up. ]

Theoretically.

[ then a grin makes its way onto his face slowly because for once he literally has more experience than hank in something. ]

Especially when you're such a young AI.

Oh, fuck off.

[ Hank laughs, shoving Connor's shoulder playfully. ]

I have 53 years of however many terabytes that translates into! You're still three months old.

You think you're worth terabytes, huh?

Oh, you know I am.

[ This is quite the change from... well, being human, but you know what? Dwelling on it won't change a thing. ]

What's the thing that's after terabytes? I'm probably that.

Petabyte. It's true that you do have an awful lot of experience to quantify.

Yeah, see? Petabytes.

[ Weird. He definitely... well, that's definitely a thing. But it's Connor. Who could mind being an AI if it means staying with Connor and getting to stay alive? ]

Betcha I'm a whole damn petabyte.

I wouldn't tell you even if I knew.

[ he w...inks.... ]

[ Fuck........................................

Hank loves Connor so much, how dare you.......... Hank's heart skips a goddamn beat, he needs a moment. ]

[ Yeah, the moment doesn't give him much time to think things through, honestly. You'd think if he was an AI he could come up with better responses here!! ]

Well, uh. Guess I'll just..... have to find out some other way.

I wouldn't worry too much. As long as she has enough storage space, that's all that's important.

Well, yeah. Guess I didn't consider that -- but I mean, if she can store you and me, she's probably not hurting for storage space. We're probably the biggest, uh, files? Here?

[ it's very weird to think of himself as data, just fyi. [

Not necessarily, if everyone is backed up. And I'm not sure how much she compresses it when she makes it.

I guess? I mean, they probably cut a bunch of your functions, so that might save up some room...

[ Kind of weird? Very weird. ]

Guess we're lucky computers got huge for the year.... 2199 or whatever it actually is.

Edited 2018-09-18 03:27 (UTC)

Do you really think she'd cut my functions?

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