R1 DEADLAND

[lockdownmods]

[it’s strange, for the people who were already dead, the shift in scenery is sudden and complete. For those who have just arrived? It’s like you’re back where you left?

How strange.

But if you ever need her, you can always reach out to the guardian of this place.]

LOCATIONS
Note: locations lag a week behind the living counterparts

Comments

[preconstruction]

[ of course, connor lets her go. he looks so confused by the action. had he done something wrong? was the hugging bad? ]

It's not your fault that you died, Rebecca.

[throwabookatit]

[ She can't look at him. ]

Y- yes it was, but that's not even the point, I- Connor, I think- I think I killed him.

[preconstruction]

[ connor's led runs yellow. he can put the pieces together - the way she doesn't look at him, the pointed way she speaks. who else would matter so much to him? it gives him this terrible, awful feeling. anxious and terrified, the kind of combination that would make a human feel sick.

but he can't believe it. and he wasn't here, too. they hadn't arrived together. it couldn't be true.

so he asks, because she can't possibly mean what she's saying: ]

Killed who?

[throwabookatit]

[ The look on his face, she hates it. She hates that she put it there, and she feels like everything in her is breaking down.

But she can't keep this from him. The guilt would eat her alive, like how every time she thinks of Isabella- of any of her friends- something still digs into the pit of her stomach and claws, and she just lets it.

So she stammers: ]

H-Han.

[preconstruction]

[ his led goes red. but his expression is blank, almost cold. ]

You couldn't have killed him. He isn't here.

[throwabookatit]

[ That's the look she deserves. For doing something so stupid. For getting used like this. ]

I- h-he wasn't...he was bleeding, I- I- [ Nothing she says can help. ] A-are you sure?

[preconstruction]

If he were dead, he would be here.

[ it’s a touch forceful. because the alternative, that he could have died and vivienne didn’t back him up is terrifying. ]

It’s okay, Rebecca.

[ it’s all logic, all mechanics that are talking now. It’s most certainly not okay. ]

[throwabookatit]

It's not. Connor, I- I know it's not, you don't have to say it is.

[ Don't spare her from this. Yell at her. Get mad at her. If it were the other way around- if it were the other way around, she'd be doing that with him-- ]

[preconstruction]

Whatever happened, you wouldn’t have done it on purpose.

[ that’s a thing he knows well, too. ]

[throwabookatit]

It- I-I didn't, but that doesn't- that doesn't make it right, I still-- I couldn't even st-stop myself...!

[ That feeling of being used. Was that how Hannah felt, when she went after the rest of them? ]

[preconstruction]

[ that gets emotion to break through -- concern. for rebecca. ]

If you couldn't stop yourself, you didn't intentionally do it.

[ and if she didn't intentionally do it, then, well: ]

It's possible you could have been hijacked.

[throwabookatit]

Of c-course I was bloody hijacked...!

[ She says that but...that's a good thing to remember. It wasn't a ghost, it wasn't the mansion. ]

But I- he tricked me. T-to hurt Han, a-and I fell for it...! I got myself i-infected and...

[preconstruction]

You didn’t do anything wrong.

[ he hugs her again, pulling her close. ]

It’s not your fault.

[throwabookatit]

[ She doesn't have the will to pull away. Rebecca's selfish, like that. ]

How can you...not hate me f-for something like this...? I don't- I don't understand, Connor.

cw; suicide, of course

[preconstruction]

Because this place is a terrible mess that does awful things to people even against their own will. I could never hate you for something I know you'd never do if you had any power to stop it.

[ and because, it's obvious isn't it? it's the choice he made, too, back home: ]

You weren't killed by someone else, were you?

just puts that warning here for the rest of the thread

[throwabookatit]

[ All air leaves her lungs. Does she even need it here? Unable to say the words, she just...shakes her head.

What she can say, is: ] I- I couldn't... I couldn't let them make me hurt any of them. Not...not again.

[preconstruction]

[ connor is shaking, where he's holding her. not because he's scared of her but because he knows exactly what that feels like. but he holds her tight and close, unwilling to let go. after all, they promised they'd hold each other up. ]

I know -- I know, it's okay. You made the best decision you could.

[ the alternative wasn't right. hank had said the same thing: But I know... an alternative like that, being paraded around like some creepy CyberLife skin suit? Fuck, that wouldn't be living, Connor. ]

You just wanted to save everyone.

[throwabookatit]

[ She can feel him. How...not funny, never funny, how horrible, that he'd expressed this to her, and she'd been distraught for him. For him, for Hank, all of it. And then, in the end, what she'd had to do--

And then, the whole time, what she'd forgotten she'd already done.

Almost...pitifully, painfully, something trips out of her mouth, weak and breathy. ]

I didn't want to die.

[preconstruction]

I know, but -- you're not dead. This isn't the end.

[ at least he can reassure her on that -- neither of them had wanted to die, not anymore. but they hadn't. they still had a chance. ]

[throwabookatit]

[ Something about that unsettles her, still. ]

We're- we're really- safe here? E-even if- if they could reach us, we're- we're not going to...we're still us, right?

[ She can't lose herself like that again. Not like at Fayflower, not like in the mansion. ]

[preconstruction]

Yes, we're still us. Even if something happened, Vivienne keeps backups of all her data. Just like she was able to come back, we would, too. Anything made up of data is effectively immortal, as long as there's someone around to load it back up.

[throwabookatit]

But... There's a hacker, isn't there, he- whoever it is, they can't hack us, right...?

[preconstruction]

Vivienne claims they can’t.

[ someone is salty. ]

[throwabookatit]

Oh, wonderful, that puts all my worries at ease.

[ distrust dies hard ]

[preconstruction]

But I believe in her ability to back things up, so even if it happened it would be a minor setback not a permanent one. Besides that...we can help, too.

[ but those are discussions for another time. he's glad the salt sustains her but she went through something traumatic. he'd rather be here for her on that. ]