deadtention | R1 DEADLAND

[Ah.

Ah..

That's. That's a bit much to just take in honestly, and by the way 2-D's eyebrows raise and his eyes widen it's pretty obvious how striking it was to hear that. He did know about the murder part but the way he did it -- and how he seems so calm about talking about it -- just... it's unsettling. And he sits up a little bit straighter, clearing his throat before speaking.]

What... what does "altruistic" mean?

[That's what ends up coming out of his mouth without really thinking, because he's not sure how to actually approach all of... That. So let's start somewhere easy.]

Edited ("he figured mitarai murdered waver" i say, forgetting waver literally told 2D that he did) 2018-09-23 10:45 (UTC)

...

[Mitarai isn't sure what to make of this. It's honestly disarming to encounter the gaps in 2-D's common knowledge again. You know what, he feels a sudden rush of guilt about the time he wrote down in his notes that 2-D clearly did not know much about some things like stabbing people. When the others speculated about the intelligence of someone who would set up a cocktail of poisons, it was not very fun for Mitarai.]

Basically, a good reason. I thought... I could save lots and lots of other people's lives. I know that may seem totally backwards, but it's true. It was still totally wrong to wrap Waver-san into that, though. He was unwilling... Everyone was... I lied through my teeth to everyone for my plan......

[His voice has pitched up a little. Discomfort. It was easy to rattle off the facts of the case after the trial where they were discussed, manner of fact, so many times, but this more abstract acknowledgement of his pathetic, cowardly, utterly antisocial approach makes him feel more uncomfortable.]

[bold of you to assume 2-D knows anything about anything

Hearing that has the blue haired man settle back in his chair a little bit, his eyes squinting at him. Not from suspicion, but because well. It was kind of funny, honestly. Mitarai killed someone because of something seemingly selfless, and 2-D murdered someone because of the exact opposite. Yet 2-D seemed.... more sorry for what he'd done, compared to this cool composure Mitarai was sort of keeping. Maybe he's just assuming, though. Murdoc constantly hid underneath a horrid, awful persona but he's suffering in his own way underneath there too.

At least, that's what 2-D thinks to make everything he's done seem okay.]

...were you gonna tell everyone about your plan after someone else got executed in your place?

...yes.

[Honestly, he's not sure. Mitarai has lost faith in the group as a whole, that had been part of his reasoning for betraying them in the first place. Everyone hated his plan so much. (Except Gogol. But Gogol isn't really included in "everyone" anyway.) Imagining the rector to his plan when they couldn't look forward to the catharsis of an execution... It's making him a little pale. Still, if nothing else he can at least reasonably confident that coming clean is the ethically correct answer.]

[That has 2-D crossing his arms, letting out a little hum as he leans more into his chair, sinking down a little bit. It's like he's not sure if he should be angry with Mitarai or sympathize with him.... of course, he doesn't have the right to really slap him on the wrist or anything like that, but he's been getting along with a lot of the people here in deadland. Even Maya. So he'd feel.. weird, if he gave him too much slack.

On the other hand. Mitarai killed waver to save lives. And he was going to confess after the execution - which isn't something 2-D can really say for himself. He was too scared of how everyone would react, with reason considering what ended up happening, that he probably was going to take that to the grave...]

Well... I can't really be mad at you for what you did. It was really wrong, and kind of scary hearing you talk about it so casually but.. you did do it to save people. And if you were gonna own up to it afterwards then you're braver and more honest than I am, honestly. I was just gonna tell Rebecca if I got away with it... well, maybe not even her. I was a coward and I didn't want my friends to hate me, so I didn't wanna tell anyone which is why I lied about some stuff.. but I shouldn't have, and neither should have you.

[he feels like a dad reprimanding his kid or something honestly]

You should apologize to Waver. Even if he doesn't accept it, you did something wrong and he deserves an apology.

[Mitarai listens to all this stuff looking like a dutiful enough little son. He eventually gives a slow wistful nod.] I did already get to speak with Waver Velvet-san. Not that he should have to accept any of this... It certainly wasn't altruistic towards him... To be frank he doesn't even see me as an "altruist" [saying this word really slow so 2-D can hopefully recognize its reuse] since my methods of peacekeeping were... [he's trying really hard to not look bitter about this] "Unrealistic." I'm not anywhere near as brave or honest as you think - because I'd rather not get into that part right now.

At the same time, I don't really think I managed to have the kind of conversation you have in mind. Kim— Yoosung-kun [because he would not put it past 2-D to totally forget the surname] was there too, for one thing, and it all just happened so fast. It would be better to gather my thoughts and offer my sincere regrets... Is that what you think, 2-D?

[2-D raises his eyebrows, a little surprised to hear that Mitarai already had a conversation with Waver. Though he's.. not surprised to hear it went poorly. He was kind of more on Waver's side himself, with the murder being over a "message" apparently though it definitely helps hearing Mitarai's side and seeing his reactions, too. He seemed.. off while he was explaining it to 2-D, but this explanation seems a little bit more sincere.

He leans forward a little bit in his chair, resting his chin against his hand.]

Yeah, I think so.

[It just reminds him of Rebecca -- him trying to give out a letter with all of his feelings written on it.

"I can't read a single word you've written, Stuart!"]

Yeah, I think uhhh... it'd... probably be best to give him some time. He's still hurting from everythin' that happened, so he could use time to.. I guess, think about it all.

[2-D's expression softens a little bit, an understanding looking smile.]

In the meantime you could try writing a couple of letters to him? It's hard for me to get my thoughts out on paper unless I'm writing lyrics... but I uh.. don't... think anyone would appreciate me writin' them an apology song for what I did to poor Maya.

["I've done something wrong, tonight.
I stabbed a girl, 30 times.
Buried her, with the lies.
I'm sorry for the tears you've cried."]

I'm in just about the same boat with my anime... Maybe even more so...

[Mitarai has always felt an overwhelming desire to run away from his cruel world. Only recently did he develop weapons to lash out. It's the cowardly demeanor that is ironically more forthcoming and open.]

I did write a few letters during the course, to keep my report production skills up... And to follow Monika-san's recommendation. But I think those letters would just make him hate me even more. They were basically just about... how trapped in this situation I felt, and why I c-couldn't count on anyone. He sees me as a crybaby... [His lips twitch, acknowledging that evaluation is basically right.]

[2-D hums a little bit. That's definitely a tricky situation to deal with, and the fact that it is so similar to his own makes it... harder... to deal with..... but he's also learned a lot about his own situation, too. He started off feeling like it was a little unfair for people to get so mad at him -- he didn't murder Maya just for fun, it was because he felt like he had to and he definitely wouldn't do it again -- but at the same time, after talking it out with Maya and Yoosung and dealing with the fallout of his relationship with Rebecca..... he's learned a lot.

Mitarai sounds like he has a lot to learn, too.]

Don't give 'im those letters if you think they'll piss him off, mate. Write something better that uh... gets the point across that you understand his feelings about the matter, too.

Everyone has a right to -- to defend themselves and their actions, but even if you think you're in the right you gotta look at it from their perspective as well, yeah?

Right... [Mitarai nods. He hadn't literally been thinking of giving those preexisting letters to Waver, just showing how the letter writing track record was already not promising, but that's not really the point of the advice.]

I just—was invisible. Or maybe it was the other way around, that they were invisible to me. The seance was... [The best example.] It's clear now that all of you AIs were there, but— [Mitarai furrows his brows. He is supposed to be open and patient... he looks at 2-D imploring.] Do you really think there wasn't anything suspicious happening at all?

Uhhh......

[Honestly, 2-D is probably the last person to ask if something seemed suspicious to him. He tries to recall though, tapping his chin with one of his fingers rhythmically.]

Er.. well, there was the hacker...

[Mitarai frowns. It's obvious that 2-D accepted the seance at face value, so he'll have to open up more to get across why his paranoia worsened after the event. But everyone hated his paranoia so much. How can he trust 2-D to be any different? Ah, that's the secret. Accepting he deserves to be hated and not forgiven and guiltily eaten alive.]

But why did Vivienne act like we could and should hide the seance from the Administration in the first place? Oswald Hale obviously knew about the whole... [Mitarai claps his mouth shut. Maybe 2-D has actually met Vivienne in here and heard her side of the story.]

Edited 2018-09-28 06:33 (UTC)

[2-D squints a little bit at Mitarai's statements. Of course he'd met Vivienne already -- and he's very good friends with her or at least he thinks he is -- but he does know she's done some things wrong and isn't too stupid to immediately jump to her side just because he likes her.

So he's curious more than suspicious, but also confused at Mitarai bringing her up like that. And also at stopping himself from finishing that thought.]

Uhhh.... knew about the whole what?

[Mitarai was probably gonna just say "whole situation" or something, not so much introduce a new idea as just start complaining more. He's intrigued by 2-D's neutrality though and decides to just set him talking.]

...to start from the beginning, could you please tell me everything you know about what happened leading up to the seance? The party in the simulation room, that is. Back on Monday.

[2-D leans back a little in his chair when he's asked to recall what happened. It's clear by his expression that he can't quite remember.. unfortunately, simulations can fix blood pooled in the front of your eyes but horrid memory is just something he's going to have to deal with for the rest of his not!life.]

Er.. well. I remember we were in the middle of one of those group meetings, but I can't remember about what. Miss Vivienne was there, and she suddenly told us somethin' was happening in the uh.. the fake-reality room, so we went in there and saw all of you trying to talk to us with a Ouija board.

Edited 2018-09-30 12:32 (UTC)

I see...

[Mitarai nods. He seems grateful if nothing else - that 2-D has clearly stretched the very limits of his memory.]

This is what I don't understand. Vivienne made it very clear this was supposed to be a secret. But can't the Administration see her going back and forth? So I just felt like...

[He looks down at his hands in his lap.]

Like the entire Administration was just giving us this "false hope" on purpose... To keep us from staying angry and fighting them...

I think, uhh...

[Oh that's a lot. This is a Lot. 2-D never really thought of the idea that Vivienne could be lying to them, pretending like she was their friend so she could stop them from fighting the administration. It seemed... wrong, somehow. She was just so nice and genuinely seems like she's trying for them but at the same time he remembers Connor getting mad at her -- telling her that she was putting them all in danger. She's done that.. twice now, hasn't she? Gosh...]

I.. think..... it isn't too much of a stretch to be a little suspicious of her, considerin' the situation she's helped uh.. put us in. But I also think she's being genuine with how she cares about us and stuff... or at least, I'd hope she was.

[Mitarai listens to this with great thought.]

So she really has... gone above and beyond for you, huh...?

[Being so wary Mitarai had not really approached her with an open heart, but he's thinking about just how many little things Vivienne has done like bake cakes. Far simpler pacification measures would be possible. The conditions themselves could also be harsher so her pacification would provide a better contrast. And yet she makes something like this.]

I can certainly see she wasn't the source of everything that happened...

[2-D gives Mitarai a nod.]

Yeah. I dunno why she'd make us this simulation thingy if she wanted to kill us.

[That'd just be silly, wouldn't it? And a lot of effort to pretend like she was their friend just to backstab them.]

R1 DEADLAND

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