deadtention | R1 DEADLAND PT2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

[Her question brings a small little smile on 2-D's face, and he gives her a nod that he's certain she's not looking at, since he can't see her face,]

Well, I don't think we're the best of friends or anythin' but I think we're definitely gettin' somewhere.

[He remembers how when they first met in the simulation Maya was sympathetic to his reasonings for why he killed her.. she's too sweet of a person to have deserved any of this, honestly.]

I told her about Osomatsu's feelings for her not too long ago, 'cos I thought she had a right to know and ever since we've been getting on a little bit well, you know?

[ How... She's seen that with Viral and Henry, too. Though responsible for his death, Henry seems to hold no ill-will. Maya, she would've thought...

It's something for Rebecca to think about, yet another thing. It's also a little derailed, as he shares what he'd told Maya about Osomatsu, and she straightens up her back. ]

Y-you just told her?! Just like that, when- but that's- really?

[ What a silly thing to focus on, but then--then, Rebecca's still that kind of woman. Still fixated on romance, after all this time. ]

[2-D flinches back a little bit, lifting his legs up onto his chair to hide behind his knees as she raises her voice. He didn't think she'd fixate on that of all things... but now that he thinks about it, maybe it wasn't his place to tell her that after all..]

I-it was before we did the Ouija board thing with everyone alive and I thought that.. um....... er...

[He twiddles his thumbs, looking off to the side a little bit.]

...that was another stupid thing for me to do, wasn't it?

I...

[ When they thought there was no way to communicate with the other side. It's a bit of a rush to the head, since- since she remembers, her own nervous display in the simulation room. She remembers Tsukasa teasing her a day later, teasing about something that could never come to fruition she believed and- and her own all-encompassing desire to finally do something instead of just sit around, waiting--

...

Isn't this what it always is, it's Rebecca applying her own circumstances to other people. Selfish, as always, selfish. Her face flushes as she internally berates herself, because for all her talk about recognizing the kind of person she is now, isn't she just falling back into those old patterns? With someone new, since Ashton's there in that mansion, being (don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it don't think)-- Well, it's a similar principle.

And god, all of this is rushing through Rebecca's head and she's just sitting there, silently, getting a look at him but barely seeing, mouth agape. ]

...I... N... No... [ She shakes her head, tongue heavy in her mouth. ] No, I just... In his shoes, I would've- wished to tell her, myself...but we'd no way to know, if that was possible.

[The musician is silent, patient as he waits for Rebecca to form a properly reply more than just "I..". He has no idea to know what's going through her mind.. maybe she's thinking of ways to explain why it's bad, since she's a teacher? Or.. maybe she's thinking about how he nearly confessed to her after he murdered that poor girl or... something. It's hard to say, but he knows that Rebecca doesn't take pauses like this unless she's really thinking about something, and her response that comes up surprises him a little bit. Just a little, because it's a little softer than he was expecting but she's right. About how he should have told her himself, and the fact that they really had no idea that he was ever able to.

He relaxes in his chair a little bit, wrapping his arms around his knees. In the same motion he leans forward to rest his cheek against the top of his knees, looking at her sideways.]

Yeah.. if I'd known that we were gonna see all of you in the fake-reality room I wouldn't have said anything. I just... I felt like maybe.. maybe telling her that she was loved would have maybe made up a little for what I'd done.

[There's a certain weight to his words as he says that, and it causes him to let out a sigh as if it'll feel any lighter.]

Not that... I did it just 'cos I want her to forgive me. I just, um... Murdoc gave Noodle tea every day ever since we found her alive, since it was his fault she almost died in the first place and she still hasn't forgiven him.

But he still does it, and I think that's pretty admirable of him, honestly.

[He wants to be better than Murdoc. He needs to be.]

Edited 2018-10-04 06:56 (UTC)

[Why? Why are you doing this?

How many times had he been asked that now? The scales tipped in favour of the wrong answer, but he’s disqualified himself from being able to give it already.]

Do you like birds? I do.

[The smile that graces him would be far brighter in any other scenario, but now to think of them hurt, a bitter reminder of what he can’t be.]

When they fly, they’re completely free. They’re not held back by anything.

[On reflection, no one had ever asked him about his apprentice title. He’d assumed no one would care, and would hardly understand anyway. Only Dostoyevsky would have ever understood, he thought.

Yet, there was those two...]

I want to have that. The freedom of birds. There is a prison, you see, that all of us are trapped in. It’s the skull. In it, we have society, and morality.

[Perhaps he could end it there, leave her to tie up the loose ends. But, for once, he’s tired of games.]

I’ve known I’ve been trapped my whole life. No one else saw it, or understood, until Dos-kun. For someone who cannot fit in, who is aware of the brainwashing of society - I cannot put up the facade of a good person. Every human life is sinful, and I am aware.

So I reject it. I reject morality, I reject the distinctions of “right” and “wrong”. I ally myself with evil because it is right. For freedom of my soul.

[Yoosung was listening, trying to figure out how this was going to eventually tie back to the topic he thought they were on about how Mitarai wished Yoosung would watch his "joy video", so he wouldn't be scared of his talent, which seemed like it would have been a good step to clear before trying to become closer... certainly before Yoosung could consider trying to have him data transfer, like he'd wished for. The notion that it's a downgrade to more of a 'flash bomb' and would have been used to hopefully rescue them all was a good one, but he's still just trying to make sense of all these positive feelings he's talking about having. These are, in turn, the reasons why Mitarai wanted to save him and why he was feeling so attracted to him.

The revelation that he's had those feelings for longer than they'd met in the simulation puts the attraction into context, and as dizzying the speed is to consider, it's not like Yoosung hasn't been there before. If you feel so alone, even enough days of kindness to count on one hand is enough to fall in love. Even if that feels like such a long time ago now, he doesn't actually find it unbelievable, even if he doesn't know what to do with it yet.... he doesn't know that he will have to do anything with it, until he suddenly confesses. Especially when Yoosung has these glasses that let him visualize a little bit of how Mitarai himself is experiencing this moment, it's moving to hear him express his true feelings. He's still a bit antsy from the reveals just before, but there's a twinge of bewilderment in his heart. He considers this for a long moment, looking at the hand on his heart that's beating so very fast, and his eyes, and his lips calling himself a burden.]

W-Wait... that's not very romantic! Why can't you go at the pace you wanted because I can tell? A lot of people get attracted to people who are nice to them... I don't have a gun to your head. What about dates?!

You know, I never got my license.

[He’s gay, Mitarai. He can’t drive.]

I’ll just have to follow intuition then! Haha! Let’s go!

[It might be worth keeping tabs on how many times Gogol crashes.]

[The baker of the Waver Red Velvet Cake is here too. But, never? Kinda sad. He hopes that just means within the school...]

Hey, that just means it's never too late. Happy birthday, and congrats!

Edited 2018-10-04 08:42 (UTC)

The back, I think.

[Admitredly, the finer details of the house is what he remembers the least from the visit.]

We said there should have been an opera ghost! [A fond smile at the memory.] Maybe I could live here and make that my new profession?

[ Really, she can't meet his gaze for long. The mention of Noodle... The one he killed Maya in memory of, as the silence ate away at him. The one he thought was dead...that a brief look through the library would've proven otherwise.

It was a damn tragedy so perfect she can hardly believe it, until she looks at her own pathetic end. After that...she can believe anything.

Swallowing heavily, Rebecca's eyes drift back to the computer screen, where her correspondence with Max sits before her. If anything could be done... At this point, they're just holding out for a miracle, in these dwindling days. ]

For her sake... Whether she forgives him, or not. [ Something scratchy at her throat. If she could talk to Isabella again... She'd do anything to be forgiven. In that horrible place, she knew- she tried, tried to reach out to her, even though...the other woman was too far gone.

If he has that chance, where Rebecca's lost hers, who is she to deny that? ]

...What's between you two...is your business. [ Ultimately, what Rebecca settles on, though heavy and tired. ] For those reasons... I suppose I can understand. Why you'd tell her that.

Please do. Fucker deserves ten curses at this point. May all his food turn to ash in his goddamn mouth.

FUCK CLOWNS! ALSO HI!

[ To wish so fervently for escape, while knowing fully just what horrible acts he's committing. To commit those acts, because...

After a few moments, Rebecca scoffs and looks away, muttering: ] I should've expected, this sort of explanation, from someone who shares the name of that author.

[ Truthfully... She's never been a fan of his work. ]

You'd be a philosophy student's nightmare...or dream, I can't decide. Whatever it'd be, it doesn't matter.

[ She seems to want to leave it at that, being the one who doesn't explain something for once. However, Rebecca... She can't seem to hold her tongue. That's not the sort of person she is. ]

You... You're more selfish and pitiful than I could've ever imagined. Do you feel it now? Free? After throwing away morality, while understanding what you're doing, has this brought you any peace?

[Gogol looks up at Rebecca. In his face, he carries the weight of all his sins. It pulls at the skin under his eyes, and they appear hollow, weary. All the suffering he’d caused, and displaced onto himself, and carried with him with the promise he’d be free of it soon, that his salvation would be granted through such a despicable plan - each moment of regret and guilt he’d pushed away has finally caught up to him.]

Do I look like it has?

Well, yeah!

[ It should be obvious, right? Rebecca even went to the trouble of making... whatever that food is!

But... well, it's not like he can't kind of understand the disbelief, really. He definitely knows how easy it is to get used to not being acknowledged, if that's why he's so surprised by this.

He tones down his enthusiasm a little. ]

...You know, the day you first showed up here was actually my birthday, haha. [ Hence the piece of cake he was holding at the time, which hopefully now makes more sense in retrospect. ] That was the first time anyone had really thrown a party like that for me, and it was nice, so.

[ Even if he'd been blatantly advertising it to everyone beforehand in hopes of getting one. ]

You deserve that too!

[It's a little bit of a relief to hear Rebecca say that. That she can understand a little bit why he'd tell Maya about Osomatsu's feelings. A little smile makes way onto his face and he ends up turning his head to bury it behind his knees to hide it, quiet for a few moments himself as he thinks of a proper reply. Well... first of all:]

Thank you.

[It's a little bit muffled but he does mean it genuinely. It's reassuring to be told that she understands him if even a little, tiny bit. Maybe he's actually doing something right in this shitty simulation if Rebecca can see where he's coming from... if even a little, tiny bit.]

I mean I really.... I really can't believe I was capable of doing somethin' so horrible in the first place.

[He tightens his arms around his legs, thinking about the images of that knife stabbing into her over, and over, and over. Her mouthing the word "Why?" as the light drained from her eyes. By that point it was too late to take anything back.. but he wish he would have. He could have stopped and gotten her helped. Admitted to what he'd done and promised to never do it again. Maybe things would have been different. Maybe he could have made a difference, somehow. Maybe he could have... made it back home.]

I know it sounds like a lie comin' from me but... it's scary, Miss Gales. It's really scary. I always thought that I was better than Murdoc, and it kept me goin' despite all the horrid shit he put me through but I proved to myself that I'm capable of being just like him... no, worse. And now that we've got a second chance I'm.. I'm just trying to prove to myself that that's not true.

[But it is true, isn't it?]

Edited 2018-10-04 11:57 (UTC)

[he really did hear her say fuck clowns]

I'D LIKE TO NOT DO THAT TO THEM ACTUALLY, THANK YOU. BUT ALSO 'ELLO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE?

[ Hank chuckles> ]

Right, wouldn't wanna do that.

[Yoosung is checking the place out a little, since there were all those fancy flyers around. He didn't expect to run into Rebecca though, but that's a pleasant surprise - they haven't really hung out together yet. He waves at her near the games, because of course.]

Hey! Thinking of trying one out?

[The ring toss would probably be a better test of skill, but the goldfish scooping is unique...]

Figures you'd say that...

[It's not really much of an answer, though, so he certainly won't even think about accepting it as a justification.

He's friends with an actor enough to know that if you mess up in a play you're not technically supposed to do either of those things. But... it's not like he totally missed what they were actually talking about.]

I would cry if I had to.

[ All right, well. Mishima feels a little bad about Actively Not Inviting Mitarai to the party yesterday (though it was absolutely the right choice; hell if his birthday present to Waver was going to be sticking him in a room with his killer), and he appreciates how he's been willing to help facilitate communications with the living for everyone, so... he might as well try to be something resembling a friend by bringing over some anime to watch, right?

He'd kind of like to distract himself from some things anyway.

So, late morning on Thursday -- at least late enough that he assumes he won't still be asleep -- he'll knock on the door to Mitarai's room, a stack of DVDs tucked under his arm. ]

[Getting breakfast first thing in the morning is kind of the hardest thing in the world for Mitarai, so he always goes back to his room right away and pretty much screams into a pillow. When he answers the door it's in button-down shirt and pants instead of the zip-up hoodie he wears everywhere, and he seems still kind of tired, not literally sleepy as much as drained in the manner of a generally anxious person. His eyes light up thinly when he recognizes Mishima, with only a slightly crooked forcing to his smile.]

Oh, good morning, Mishima-kun. What—

[—brings you here, he was probably going to say. It's at this point Mitarai's head openly swivels down as he takes in the DVDs, pretty much literally like a starving man.]

—are THOSE?

[ And truly, in all of that pain...Rebecca can't muster up an ounce of sympathy for him. ]

You pissed away your chances...but you best sit with that. Sit with all the things you've done, all the people you've hurt.

[ Rebecca shakes her head again, arms crossed, and starts to walk away. ]

Goodbye, Nikolai.

[Ah.

This is how the butterfly actually feels when the shooting star turns the whole world right side up.

Mitarai feels like there's no floor in the gazebo.]

Really???

[To all of that. "It's not?" "I could?" "They do?" "You don't?" Mitarai might have blurted out those questions at any time if the tender protest weren't continuously gripping his attention, so after the slight pause his confusion just comes out all at once.

Because he did basically think Yoosung had a gun to his head, that the only alternative to wholehearted acceptance was complete repudiation. Some of the uglier possibilities he had intellectually eliminated to an extent - for example, attraction between two men is clearly not going to be the main issue at this point - but on the most basic level of human vulnerability, he was scared right out of his skin, sent straight back to elementary school White Days where the girls collectively threw his marshmallow treats in the trash saying "we didn't give you any chocolates on Valentine's Day for a reason". As he studied human nature, Mitarai got very good at distinguishing rapture from any other type of reaction. Yoosung sounds a lot like he doesn't return these passions, but he still projects the same welcoming nature that Mitarai found so alluring in the first place. Searing his corneas.]

It's not like I don't want to... play video games with you [co-op, not "against". he's gathered this much] and gaze at the stars, and watch anime together—normal anime—and-and-and-and-and-and—[These fluffy ideas have gotten warmth radiating from his heart throughout his body; at this point he blinks hard and reels it back in.]

But why would you ever want to be so close to me, to-to-to-to someone like me, without "really liking"...?

[He put the cart before the horse again. Instead of working backwards from the desired ends, he should have prioritized the means, even though straightforward means had failed him so many times. Where Mitarai was trying to run away from judgment for his desires, Yoosung is disturbed by his caginess. Great work getting vulnerable, Mitarai. The only romantic thing he did today was take them to the gazebo.]

R1 DEADLAND PT2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

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festival

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closed to mitarai

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oh thats the worst smalltext fail i've had in awhile

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