R1 DEADLAND

[lockdownmods]

[it’s strange, for the people who were already dead, the shift in scenery is sudden and complete. For those who have just arrived? It’s like you’re back where you left?

How strange.

But if you ever need her, you can always reach out to the guardian of this place.]

LOCATIONS
Note: locations lag a week behind the living counterparts

Comments

[donotlick]

Got busy. Police academy isn't really the kind of deal where you can take music breaks.

[ He shrugs. ]

Plus I kinda... I mean, people love a musician.

[ He used it to get dates..... ]

[preconstruction]

[ connor laughs ]

Is that what this was about?

1/2

[donotlick]

Wh-what? You mean like... with you?

[ Oh, fuck. That's not what this is!!! ]

No. No way! That isn't-- I'm not... fuck.

[donotlick]

[ Deep breaths, Hank. ]

That's not what this is. I just... I wanted to give you something nice. A chance to relax.

[ He sighs. ]

Music is good for that.

[preconstruction]

Wow, you got very flustered just now. I'll have to remember that.

[donotlick]

[ Hank elbows Connor in the side. Playfully. Maybe a little aggressively, but that's just because he's very deeply embarrassed right now. He just lights up like rudolph when he blushes. ]

Shut up, asshole. You know why.

[preconstruction]

[ it's okay he doesn't mind. it's cute?? how hank can be embarrassed. ]

Yes. I know why.

[donotlick]

[ Hank grumbles, deciding he's maybe had enough of having his emotions on display. He stands up and steps away from the piano. Oh, his face is still on fire, but he's not really feeling up to having Connor point out his unrequited feelings..... ]

So, there anything else here you can play? Did this help at all?

[preconstruction]

[ connor frowns. he's made hank upset he knows -- he can practically feel the tension between them. he doesn't stand or follow him, just looks down at the keys. ]

Yeah. It helped.

[donotlick]

[ Being reminded that you have a crush on someone who's Very Taken will do that to a guy, Connor. It's ok, you'll learn. Or maybe you'll figure out that poly thing. Who knows.

But ultimately Hank cares more about Connor's well-being than being teased about his one-sided crush so that eases the tension somewhat. At least on Hank's end. ]

I'm glad. Hopefully you can come here and relax one of these days. Maybe bring Han and show him that song you played for me.

[preconstruction]

[ connor is quiet for a long time. then he closes the cover to the piano keys and shakes his head. ]

It wouldn't be the same thing.

[donotlick]

[ Huh. Well. Now Connor's upset. Fuck. Hank should probably say something.

He really doesn't want to, but the silence is getting so awkward..... ]

Connor, look, I... I don't want to get between you and him. You know how I feel, and I know you're never gonna feel the same way, okay? I'm. I'm fine with that.

[ He sighs. ]

It's torture on me when you play along. You're kinda rubbing salt into my wounds here, you know?

[preconstruction]

[ connor stands to look at him. those words clearly hurt him, the guilt and pain written out on his face clear as day. ]

I'm sorry, I -- I would never want to hurt you like that.

[donotlick]

[ Hank is still confused. Connor's the one who told him he couldn't be that -- why's pointing it out making him so upset? ]

I know. I know you're not... you're not doing it on purpose. You're just... this is how you are. You're nice. You try to please people.

[ Hank stares down at his hands for something to look at. Maybe to avoid that pained look on Connor's face. ]

You don't have to play along just because you wanna please me.

[preconstruction]

I don't treat you the way I treat other people.

[ he has always, consistently prioritized hank over everyone else. ]

[donotlick]

[ Ah. That's fair. Hank now has the memories to back that up, too. At Cyberlife... he'd held off on freeing thousands of androids. Just for him. ]

I know.

[ Hank sighs. He's fucking it all up!! Good going, badbrain. He looks back at Connor again. ]

I know. We're partners. I just... [ Yep, back to staring at his hands. ] Fuck, I know I have to get over this, it's not your fault I'm a lonely old fucker who can't keep feelings from fucking shit up. I get that.

[ Hank brings his hands to his face, groaning with frustration. ]

Goddammit.

[ Connor doesn't deserve this. Connor doesn't deserve him. Some old guy who's depressed? Who couldn't quit drinking until he died? Why would Connor want someone like that? Why can't Hank's depressed brain shut up and stop saying such nonsense? ]

I'm sorry, Connor. You shouldn't have to get this shit from me. I should be over this.

[preconstruction]

I don't know what to say.

[ that's important, because he almost always does know what to say. he's literally programmed for that. but he feels so sad, hearing all of this. hollow, like his insides have been taken out. he is pulled between two horrible choices -- he cannot tell hank that he does not love han, because that would be untrue. but if he tells hank that he loves him, too, then he will be unfaithful to han. they are different kinds of love, as far as he is concerned. but love all the same. what he feels for hank is not as simple as liking him as a friend. being a partner is so much more than that. ]

I'm sorry, I don't -- [ his led runs red for a moment and then stabilizes to yellow. ] I'm not asking you to get over anything.

[donotlick]

[ It does help to know Connor doesn't just have easy answers. Their feelings are complicated, even Connor's seem to be, and that... is a weird kind of reassurance. So Connor doesn't want things to change -- that's fair. Hank doesn't want Connor to just dump his boyfriend for him either, that's not it at all. What he wants... he isn't sure of what he wants, either. He wants to hold Connor. He wants to always be there for him, like he knows Connor would be if their positions were reversed.

Hank can't really say much to that. He stays quiet, taking in how much this clearly makes Connor struggle. Human relationships are hard enough on people. For an android, it must be even harder. Hank doesn't want to be one of the things that makes Connor's life even harder, but having a better understanding of where they're at would at least help calm the pit of guilt he gets in his stomach every time Connor smiles at him. ]

I just want you to be happy, Connor.

[preconstruction]

I want you to be happy, too. I am sorry I have made that so difficult.

[donotlick]

[ Hank steps back up close to Connor, setting a hand on his shoulder. He doesn't want to lose Connor. God knows, he couldn't handle that. They both know they need each other. And really, Hank doesn't know what would make him happy... besides, y'know, Connor smiling at him and flirting at him but without the aforementioned guilt clawing at him for being a cheating old asshole who's taking advantage of someone's boyfriend.

But it's not like that, is it? Maybe? He should get over this. Even if Connor isn't asking, Hank should know better. He can't keep putting the blame on Connor like this. ]

It's not your fault. Us humans have a way of making feelings and shit really fucking complicated, alright?

[preconstruction]

I think I have made it complicated, too. I'm sorry, I'll stop putting you in this position.

[ stop flirting with him. stop teasing him. ]

You shouldn't have to feel like you're doing something wrong.

[donotlick]

[ Flirting is ok!! The teasing is... where it starts to hurt, Connor. ]

It's okay. I know it's your first time dealing with this stuff. I shouldn't take it so personally.

[ Connor just flirts with everyone, there's no reason to think he's special? No, shut up, Hank those are bad thoughts. ]

It's... I know what we have is different. [ From what Connor has with Han, he means. ] You and me have always been close. You don't have to change anything about yourself for my sake, Connor.

[preconstruction]

[ consider the teasing is part of the flirting for him. ]

But I don't like seeing you hurt like this.

[donotlick]

[ See, that's what Hank needs to get. God, Hank. ]

Think I said this before, Connor, but you can't hurt me any way I haven't been hurt before. It's alright. I'll get over it.

[ yeah, how did that conversation go, Hank?? ]

[preconstruction]

That hasn't worked so far.