deadtention | R1 DEADLAND PT2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

[Mitarai has arrived later than sooner, bringing with him a little serving of cold japchae. Nobody has seen him leave his room since the time when he first arrived. Instead of a blazer, he's wearing a zip-up hoodie from the school store; upon further examination the uniform underneath is exactly the same. His progress on the japchae is very slow as he sits here in the corner, listening to the commencement of ceremonies and regarding his rice cake. Finally it's time for him to ritualistically look up at the moon and take a bite.

He starts coughing and sneezing and this scatters several pine needles to the ground. It's not the cook's fault that there's lumps in this - he's reacted with similar clumsiness even to factory-made rice cakes in the past - but Mitarai is just consumed with despair over the situation.]

Oh, no... This must mean bad luck...

[He puts all the food aside, gets down on his hands and knees, and begins picking up the pine needles one by one.]

[Even if Yoosung isn't exactly happy to see Mitarai after everything else, the fact that he wasn't coming out of his room at all was a little bit disturbing. There's still his conscientiousness that tells him he should watch for him like Terra would, so not even seeing him from a distance was kind of bad. In that sense, it's relieving that he showed up, though he still feels awkward talking to him. When he starts coughing, Yoosung worries more about the food, but yikes. This is even more pitiful, he's just going to crack a joke.]

Sheesh, I'm never getting married if my songpyeon is that bad.

[And why is he trying to get the needles anyway?? He's just going to raise his hand for attention.]

Uh, I was planning to sweep after the event....

No! No!!!!!!! [Mitarai makes to wave both arms in denial. However, he's on his hands and knees on the ground, so he can only raise one arm.] It's, it tastes REALLY good! I just, uh—

[He waves his free hand at himself to indicate general deficiencies that he's not sure how to put into words that aren't egregiously, disruptively self-deprecating. What does marriage have to do with any of this, anyway? Is he being culturally insensitive! He's turned bright red, not that the coughing was helping at all in that respect. Mitarai at this point just puts his hand where he was sitting and pulls himself up, breathing heavily from all this self-perpetuating anxiety. He nods at the words for which Yoosung was trying to get his attention.]

I see; thank you for doing that... [He lets out one last breath and assumes an at least slightly more neutral expression.] Even more than I realized, it's a little like a grave-sweeping ritual, eh.

[Yoosung stares a bit at all of his flailing around, tilting his head in confusion. Eventually Mitarai calms down though, and if he's going to make it like that...]

Huh, does that make it weird for dead people to celebrate Chuseok? [Yoosung pauses for a beat. His face is also flushed, but for a different reason, one that lends itself to being this scatterbrained about the conversation.] Do we have graves?

[They left the school before he could find out what happened to Mishima's body. And he was the first victim, so he wouldn't find out what they did with bodies after that, either.]

No, it's not weird. [Mitarai shakes his head still looking calm, even fond and affirmative.] Dead people should want to visit their family graves just as much as living people do. When you said you were going to sweep this area after the event, it reminded me of the Obon festival we have in Japan, which involves visiting the family grave and sweeping that area, so I thought you were being fastidious for similar reasons... Though Obon is one lunar month earlier than this; I'm confident the Japanese equivalent of Chuseok is the harvest moon viewing festival Tsukimi, though we'd almost never travel or anything for that. It's really interesting to experience a culture where the same idea is revered even more.

As for our graves, [his eyes darken and so does his mouth] I'm afraid there's none as far as we know. Not a single person remained in the location where they drew their last breath, and eventually the bodies were removed altogether; after the executions, almost immediately. Probably cremation or a morgue, though I can't put it past Vivienne to try for better... [But he'd rather not talk about Vivienne.]

Tsukasa-kun made a shrine in the field; I think you'll agree that's more like a place to leave offerings than a dedicated grave. However... [How does he phrase this delicately. His lips form a thin line.] The garden is certainly the best place of all to sweep up.

[Yoosung is just kind of chilling through this. It's just a lot of information, and besides, Mitarai talking WAY more than he'd ever seen him do before.

He furrows his brows a bit when he talks about how not a single person 'remained where they drew their last breath' but then says the bodies were removed like that wasn't the same thing. That sounds like there's some kind of weird and disturbing coincidence going on that he should definitely not ask about right now.]

I mean... yeah, we trim the plants and clean up our graves around this time. I just didn't have any idea that this was our memorial site, so..... huh, it was just supposed to be normal cleaning, but I can be extra reverent or something.

[but after a moment, something else dawns on him and he squints a bit.]

Wait... who is Tsukasa?

Edited 2018-09-26 07:02 (UTC)

Tsukasa-kun is the Apprentice Faker originally known as Emiya Shirou-kun... Due to some complicated supernatural circumstances I can't recount in full detail, he ended up assimilating the memories, name, and appearance of a different preexisting separate young man named Emiya. When he remembered his true nature, he decided to select a new name for himself: Tsukasa.

[Dispensing information like this increases Mitarai's confidence. Usually doesn't get him beaten up. Way safer than the garden that turns his stomach, separate from the field, and loosens his grip on the chopsticks that had grabbed a couple small bites of japchae between words.]

That said, the garden isn't our memorial site... at all. It's, well, [you can do it, Mitarai] the place where Viral laid Henry-san to rest, and 2-D buried Maya Fey by the flowerbed.

Edited 2018-09-26 07:50 (UTC)

Oh. [That makes, um, sense? No it doesn't. But Yoosung is too tipsy to really follow this, just like how he thought the garden and the field were somehow the same thing. But he gets the gist, he thinks.] I always wondered what "Faker" was supposed to mean, but that's just...

[He doesn't even know what to do with that. Good for Tsukasa. He guesses.

But... that talk of burial just makes him stare deeply into the ground at their feet. So both of his friends from the living were moved somewhere here, huh? That's really creepy... and that means the garden was ruined as early as week 2 of everyone's semester. Just great.]

.... I wouldn't blame anyone else for not wanting to hang out here after that. [He pouts.] People should tell me these things when I try to plan parties!

[Mitarai quirks his lips as he agrees with Yoosung's decision to let the topic of Tsukasa slip away. He really doesn't have anything much to do with either of them. That guy is so strong, he's probably going to live... Mitarai really can't stand him! And yet he shouldn't say things like that!]

Well... [Yoosung obviously worked so hard on this event that is so beautiful. Mitarai really doesn't want to discourage him.] The garden is still a way better place than the field to have a party. There's better furniture, and you don't have to walk as far. We really do hang out there sometimes! It's seriously not like we refuse to set foot here.

I didn't realize nobody told you those things at all.

—

[A shiver runs down Mitarai's spine.

He gets up to fetch some baekseju. In what is surely a coincidence, Yoosung can't see his face that way.]

They must have just been sure you'd be happier if you didn't know.

Whaaat... but how I feel about it doesn't matter. Didn't I tell everyone I wanted to help out all the victims? I can't do that if they try to protect me instead.

[SIGH..... maybe this is why the guild doesn't actually have a lot of victim cooperation.... but he'll deal with it.]

I guess it is kinda hard to take me seriously. Even you thought I was trash at first, right?

[because that's sure how it made him feel to hear his motive in context. Even if he's changed his mind now, that still stung, and he remembers Hank said he said bad things about him in trial.]

[Mitarai is pouring the baekseju, and then the bottle clanks against the glass.]

Never!

[The silence resounds for a second. Mitarai picks the glass up and turns around.]

I'm sorry. Please don't - stand on ceremony, I don't mean to silence you. Be as mad as you like. I didn't take you seriously. I saw your level of talent as lesser. I said things you should never say about a person. If you feel like you were seen by me as trash, [at this point the guilt starts to amp back up] you have that right. I exhibited the self-righteousness that had nobody truly surprised by what I eventually did to Waver Velvet-san. But I never... I never, ever...

[He looks down and takes a good long few drinks of the baekseju, forehead suggesting very deep anger at something other than Yoosung, before exhaling and sliding back into an informative mode.]

At any rate, I don't think they were protecting you in particular from this kind of knowledge. It seems like nobody has been recapitulating the fine details of the investigations and trials to anyone. Most of us already had to live through it once, and isn't it if not guaranteed than at least natural for the victim to not want even more details on the most horrible event of their lives? There's probably more pressing matters to bring up at meetings. If you are deciding it's important, surely everyone will listen.

[Wide-eyed as the shout echoes into the night, Yoosung whispers an astounded "Shit" into the awkward silence that follows. He had been sure he was right about that... in the context he knew, the line was blurred too much between the total reform Mitarai desired and whatever he actually meant by reaching Yoosung Kim. How could it not be when even back then he had opened with the hundreds of corpses? Yoosung was free to bring up such an incendiary topic since he doesn't like Mitarai anyway, but now he feels like he's back to not getting him at all. Now he feels like he has to explain in order to figure this out. After all, he did ask him not to stand on ceremony.]

... Hank told me about 'despair.' I thought when I showed you my weakness, it made you think I was gonna be like them. That that's why you wanted to mess with my head, and why you looked so guilty. That's just... the conclusion I drew from why you killed Waver... I mean, you were applying this principle to all of our worlds, so I don't see why you would think that I wouldn't think that. If you don't, then explain it already.

[He honestly feels like he might need another drink for this. But he's got to make sure the guild rules are enforced, so he folds his arms instead.]

Anyway, it's true that the meetings shouldn't be for that. I'd rather people just felt comfortable to come to us with their concerns over that stuff. Reinforcing the guild's image isn't really your problem though.

[...Actually, he's not even sure if Mitarai got a chance to find out about the guild after he kinda freaked out, so he'll just conclude that is super not his problem.]

Your reasoning isn't... wrong. I wanted to "rehabilitate" people in despair at all costs. If you walked by the computer lab that night instead...

[Mitarai's head hangs a bit. He would really like to be able to deny this. There is so much he'd like to say about strength and weakness and despair and hope and life and humanity. None of it seems like it's what'll reach Yoosung. He is trying very hard to sort out his priorities. Even the guild is in fact not his problem - he'd gotten an idea from the fliers eventually, and it wasn't an impression that he currently belonged in their vision. There's nothing left except this one distinction that he's forced himself into having to explain for Yoosung.]

But not even to Waver Velvet-san... I, I know and accept I've completely surpassed the limits of human forgiveness, but I still never...

[His fingers tighten around the glass. He looks up at Yoosung.]

I never took off all your clothes except a bedsheet and painted your face and draped your body on a chair by the pool!

That's what they...

[...thought he would be happier not knowing. ...accused Mitarai of doing. And isn't he just saying this to clear his name? Mitarai is trying to drink more but it's burning him now and his cheeks are burning up from the effort and he once again as always looks like he's going to cry.]

I'm sorry... [That he said it without real warning. That this harrowing thing happened to Yoosung at all.] I hope you're happier no longer not knowing...

[ chokes on his wine from a few meters away ]

[yeah dude what the fuck]

[Yoosung is listening well and hard as he can, but still not hearing anything to really refute this idea that Mitarai saw him as garbage to be taken out. Mitarai did see him as despair, and he would have even killed him if he'd lived long enough to be the one there (and he probably would have, if it was the computer lab of all places. So way to make him sincerely put himself in Waver's shoes even more.) When Mitarai talks as if to defend himself, Yoosung really thinks he's going to say something else about Waver. But then suddenly Mitarai is talking about him while looking him straight in the eye, and it feels like he's locked in place, unable to focus on anything but this macabre image he's just throwing at him like a brick. His head swims trying to make sense of it as he looks back down at the shouting Mitarai.]

Aagh, that's... that's...

["Horrifying" is easily a word that could work, but in the end he's shocked speechless. After all, he may well understand that Mitarai didn't do that, but he wouldn't be saying anything this specific if somebody didn't. That bastard, Grantaire, getting so personal with his body is a thought that makes him want to cry. For a moment his mind transports him back to a place, shut off from the world, where he would be made bare and the colors his body would turn after that would be deeper than paint. But at least that had been for love. This, he.... he still doesn't even know why... what is he supposed to think now?!

He tries to ease his sharpened breaths by looking away to glance at all of his surroundings - the grass, the roses, the moon, Mishima coughing, the colorful songpyeons. But his instincts are wildly propelling him to get away from bodies near him, so he takes a step back. His legs are like jelly though, so by the time Mitarai's finished apologizing, he just falls down onto his ass. Wincing, he steadies himself with his hands, but this dizziness is not great when he's had drinks. His heart is just racing, and his head is spinning trying to keep up with reality. God, this sucks. He didn't want anyone to see him like that. It was only a couple minutes though. Maybe, if he gets back up right away, no one will notice what happened. He leans forward, pushing his arms off the ground to haul his body upwards and straighten once he's balanced enough to do so. Once he's on his feet, he finally looks back at Mitarai.]

...I just told you it's not about my happiness. [He knows, and he knows Mitarai knows that too. But... he just said that he wants people to tell him if they're concerned. Mitarai said he wanted to be friends. He has to believe he told him that because it is Mitarai's concern, a body that had disturbed him. And he's trusting him... to understand. Yoosung's heart still aches, but he's also been reminded how good he could feel under torture, thanks to its purpose. He smiles crookedly. Yeah, Mitarai obviously doesn't understand this way of becoming strong.]

It's okay to suffer, you know.... Um, thanks for telling me.

Edited 2018-09-27 02:07 (UTC)

[First Mitarai puts down the glass to keep any fragile objects from getting broken. Then he tentatively stretches his fingers before drawing them back because obviously Yoosung wouldn't want to be touched by him - maybe not even anyone. So Mitarai ends up standing there literally wringing his hands for the duration of this episode. It seems like things are going really wrong. Like he said, Mitarai totally deserved to be called someone who considered Yoosung trash, and would have murdered him, and shouldn't be forgiven. He only snapped, and felt the need to explain snapping, because he had always felt so terrible that Lieutenant Anderson and Max thought he would... would personally... Isn't this like what Mitarai is doing now? Hasn't he indirectly disturbed Yoosung's bodily autono—]

!

[Mitarai has thought a lot about what Yoosung's smile would look like, the boyish features that had only intensified around him to tear up. He'll never have to remember that feathery design again - this bending bare face in the pale moonlight blows all his expectations out of the water. Mitarai reached him! Not with brainwashing, or lies, but by telling him something he deserved to know, and he's grateful at that!!!!!! It's a rush Mitarai doesn't hesitate to question - because a huge weight has been taken off his shoulders. Yoosung has finally understood that Mitarai is nothing like Grantaire, so it's not like Yoosung's conclusion of Mitarai seeking comfort about that upsetting sight is wrong. It's just this guilty absolution that isn't conscious.

Mitarai nods in a motion so hearty, and so closely timed with the unwringing of his hands, that it's practically like bowing.] Yes, of course! [He straightens back up, beaming. He wants to bask in this moment - actually, he glances around making sure Waver isn't about to show up again. That's not the case, but Mitarai can't just stand here and smile. After all, he's ended up agreeing with Yoosung that it's okay to suffer, too, something he didn't think through... Instinctively Mitarai is still so afraid of suffering. He can at least barely understand the idea that a humanity without suffering is a humanity that has been destroyed, but he has no idea how to go about being a suffering human without getting destroyed. Priorities, priorities - well.

He sits back down and starts nibbling at his songpyeon again. He holds it very close to his mouth with both hands.]

[Yoosung smiled, but he's not happy. The heaviness in his chest extends all the way through his hands and feet, making his body feel like lead. Learning that Grantaire was worse than Mitarai didn't actually make him feel better about his position as 'person who sincerely thought I was lesser and would control or kill me.' All it did was make him feel worse about Grantaire. But Mitarai had listened to him and done exactly as he requested, and he certainly did feel that he deserved to know - a long time ago from literally anyone else would have been better, but this is how it is, so there wasn't anything he could do but be grateful. He doesn't understand the relief Mitarai's feeling now, the reason why he's looking back at him with such an enraptured smile of his own. Yoosung's has already grown bewildered to meet it, but fortunately for him Mitarai starts looking around for predators at that moment, so he can just let out a deep and slow exhale. He tries to force the tension out of his body, and when it doesn't completely work, he decides to get another helping of the baekseju.

He can try to understand a coward like Mitarai developing a complex after almost losing his innocent life on the case for Yoosung. If that had actually happened, he would himself have felt profound guilt - it was the first thing he feared when they didn't see Grantaire and it's not exactly fun to know that it was nearly the case. He puts the glass to his lips and turns to idly watch him sit and enjoy the songpyeon. Maybe the cupped hands are to ensure he doesn't drop it again. He did seem to think it was bad luck. Yoosung will leave it alone, turning to gaze back at the moon and get back some calm. He can comfort himself with the thought that at the very least, anguishing like this will make it go smoother if he ever gets more details about his friends' bodies and everyone else.

He lets Mitarai eat in silence, debating if it's even worth continuing the conversation more, but he supposes it is still Chuseok in the end.]

Did you... make a wish?

[That's a second glass... Well, Yoosung surely has a higher tolerance than Mitarai, because his body is so much more fit. Instead of someone being a prude and freaking out, they remain in peaceful silence. Mitarai has only a little sliver of songpyeon left by the time Yoosung asks him the question. He decides to just put it down and leave the crescent moon there to expand.]

I did.

[He looks up at the stars.]

I make wishes every year on Tanabata, the festival about the stars Altair and Vega. I once heard that the time the wish takes to get granted, and the power of the wish they can grant, is correlated to the distance from Earth. Meanwhile this moon is extremely close by comparison... It's almost definitely a backdrop in the simulation, not an object hundreds of thousands of miles away. So I decided to make a wish that would be within the domain of this moon.

Can you guess what it is, Kim-kun? You're the only one who might already know...

[If Mitarai weren't such a disgusting coward, he thinks, under the influence of alcohol, this would be the part where he puts his bare hand over the other man's hand. Instead he just tilts his head like a cat looking at something it likes.]

I want you to do that. As in, whatever was going to happen before the arrival of Waver Velvet-san.

[Yoosung told him to sort out his priorities, and isn't this the best way to start? By getting that information faster? Mitarai still has no idea how that's supposed to work, or whether anyone besides Yoosung could make that offer. He's not even sure Yoosung rejected him as too malicious to inform, it's rather plausible that they parted ways after Waver's arrival only because the situation was awkward. Isn't it?

Mitarai tears his eyes away. His wish is completely pragmatic. Period.]

...it's just a wish, though. Not an order or anything...

[Yoosung didn't turn to look at him when he asked about the wish, so he's still looking at the sky while he talks about Tanabata. Right, it's the Japanese equivalent to their holiday of Chilseok, the one about the separated lovers. Their star festival is a wishing holiday like this moon festival, but he'd never heard of this thing about the distance from earth. He's not sure where he's going with it at first, so he just sips his drink, silently taking it in. He doesn't cast a glance his way until he asks him to guess. Honestly, the thought in his mind is another how should I know, other than what he already knows about Mitarai's desire for them to have been friends. But he can't change the past... so he doesn't think that's it. It's supposed to be a wish for the future anyway.

Yoosung's mind is far from innocent, especially after two glasses, so when he just calls it that at first he stares at Mitarai and mouths the word back at him in confusion. If he's saying the distance between the moon and them is nothing then Yoosung and Mitarai's not-actually-physical bodies could also be considered to have the same amount of distance, at which point there are only so many things he could be saying he wants him to "do." The haze of his traumatic memory is still lingering, though, so it makes him feel an uncomfortable clamminess to think about something like "that." Which is why when he clarifies, Yoosung chuckles nervously and says]

Oh! That... [He just means the data transfer. 'Reach him through the simulation,' as he put it. He's about to just say "is fine then!" But he pauses. Connor told Mishima it was possible to reach someone this way without their consent. Given Mitarai's priorities, he doesn't think he can trust him with this after all. Not without considering all of the possibilities, like what Mishima told him to do. That means he's going to have to step on his Chuseok wish. Feels kinda bad. He takes a long sip... at least he said it wasn't an order.]

I... I'm sorry. I think I have to ask Eve if that would be safe to do.

[Maya was worried about what would happen if data transfer got in the wrong hands. He has to protect her.]

Edited 2018-09-27 18:44 (UTC)

[As soon as Yoosung begins to react, Mitarai suspects his Chuseok wish isn't coming true. Even before, he knew it was unrealistic. Yoosung obviously hadn't been hiding some burning desire to reach him through the simulation; he didn't go out of his way to meet him or bring it up now that they were seeing each other again at this party... not that Mitarai had, either. He certainly didn't send the shut-in Mitarai an email attachment or executable file that would arrive on a chip in his brain or something - there's still no more specific term that comes to mind than reaching through the simulation, he still doesn't know how it works and believed the hand holding was just that touching a gesture of blind trust disrupted by Waver, aka the consequences of Mitarai's actions. Yoosung seems particularly uncomfortable, asked to ante up that level of trust again, and Mitarai tries to wait it out without looking any more demanding or nervous. Taking back the invitation would be interfering with Yoosung's decision in its own way. Still, his eyes are keen when "that..." seems about to—

The pin drops. Mitarai feels an intense despair. The rejection itself is one thing, but Yoosung said something else that sets off Mitarai's negative feelings about his entire situation.]

...Who?

[Yeah... he figured it would hurt to hear. But Yoosung can't pity him too much for that. The fact is just that with Mitarai's talent the way he uses it, he would be uniquely positioned to take advantage of the data transfer for harm. He's assisting Maya and Waver, doing his best to ensure that can never happen.]

She's the AI that's sort of like the manager of the simulation. For the most part she just helps us with stuff though. If you ask her for an item she can get it for you, like ingredients for cooking or video games. I just figured she'd know the most about what the simulation would be, um, capable of.

[It's hard for him to hide the nerves when he puts it like that, though. But maybe that shouldn't matter - he can say whatever the hell he wants to Mitarai.]

But we don't have to do that anyway. I can tell you directly, it'll just take longer.

[The gears are practically audibly turning in Mitarai's head at that nervous statement. Apparently he's not being distrusted with the information itself, but distrusted with the capabilities of the simulation, which raises so many questions that he wants answered very, very badly, even more badly than the concern about the origins of the food or the vidya, though such particular supply acquisition priorities of Yoosung are very characteristic and endearing.]

Edited 2018-09-27 21:35 (UTC)

!!!!!!!!!

[Kim-kun trusts me with the information itself!]

You can?

[Half a glass of baekseju before this was too much; Mitarai feels lightheaded, looking up at Yoosung, waiting for the pin to drop again.]

That's more than enough for me! Thank you so much, Kim-kun! [Mitarai is running out of energy - maybe he's getting overstimulated again. His hands recede into his lap.] We should focus on celebrating for now... Let's do it some other time, soon. That's really alright? [SERIOUSLY, WHERE'S WAVER?]

[Wow... he's not used to having this thought about someone instead of the other way around, but it's like he's a puppy or something.]

Yeah, yeah... um, I always make meals for everyone in the cafeteria, so you can just ask me then.

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