deadtention | R1 DEADLAND PT2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

[It is kind of funny that 2-D always finds her at her worst.. whether they're alive, or dead. It's almost like he has a radar for these things or something, and honestly it is a little strange for him too and quite awkward. But he can't consciously leave someone crying by themselves, and so he takes a few more steps towards Rebecca, gently placing a hand on her back as she hides her face behind her hands.]

...it doesn't have to be.

[The tone of his voice is soft, and a little bit on the quiet side.]

But it really has become more of.. of what people expect nowadays. Even after all the good things that have happened lately, it's hard not to be down in this bloody situation.

[ The touch makes her clench her jaw, so much that it hurts her teeth. And yet Rebecca doesn't pull away, just letting her muscles stay tense, letting her throat squeeze shut. ]

There are many things, that I- that I don't think'll be okay, ever again.

[ Just her honest assumption. She blows that breath out. Nice and slow. Nice and slow, Rebecca. ]

Max. ...Everyone. They're still there. And this as as close as I can get, to...doing anything. Sitting at a fucking computer.

[Yeah... yeah he gets where she's coming from, with that thought. There really isn't a lot of things that'll ever be okay again -- they're dead, first of all. Dead, and they'll never see the people they cared about ever again. He'll never be able to apologize to past girlfriends for not being as up to par as he should have, or tell Murdoc off for good for all the shit he put him through. He'll never see Noodle get married, or see if Russel ever gets over his inner demons and becomes a happier person. He'll never see his mom again, or start a family or.. anything like that.

He's stuck here, in this stupid simulation with people he's betrayed the trust of, and the only thing they have is time.

And even then, who knows how long this place can stay together.]

...it's.. more than what you're supposed to be able to do.

[2-D removes his hand, sensing how tense she was feeling and instead he reaches beside him, pulling over another chair to take a seat so he's a little more eyelevel and a little less intimidating.]

And.. and I think it's probably really uh.. touching, to be able to talk to you again after so long, you know? Even if we're just a bunch of codes and stuff, we're still us and they're still them. And usually we're not s'posed to be able to talk to the dead, but they've been given that chance. To.. to tell friends that have died any regrets they couldn't say before or just tell them that they love them one last time.

[He sighs, and swings one of his legs over the other, folding his hands over his knee.]

If I was still alive, I'd be really happy to get to talk to you, Miss Gales. You and Maya and Hank and all the other friends I've made here, yeah? So I'm sure it's... it's probably helping a lot. I hope so, anyway.

[ Regrets, that's something. Rebecca's always swimming with them, the last conversations she's had with her loved ones, all the things she hadn't told them--the left unsaid, the spoken out-loud, nothing matching what it should.

This...is a way to alleviate those, isn't it? To help Max.

Rebecca's strong grip relaxes, as she opens her red-rimmed eyes and just...glances sideways, listening to what 2-D's saying, a tired look on her face as she just almost meets his eyes. ]

You and Maya... You would say you're friends now? [ It's not accusatory. It's not directed at the majority of what he said, it's just- it's something she has to ask about. ]

[Her question brings a small little smile on 2-D's face, and he gives her a nod that he's certain she's not looking at, since he can't see her face,]

Well, I don't think we're the best of friends or anythin' but I think we're definitely gettin' somewhere.

[He remembers how when they first met in the simulation Maya was sympathetic to his reasonings for why he killed her.. she's too sweet of a person to have deserved any of this, honestly.]

I told her about Osomatsu's feelings for her not too long ago, 'cos I thought she had a right to know and ever since we've been getting on a little bit well, you know?

[ How... She's seen that with Viral and Henry, too. Though responsible for his death, Henry seems to hold no ill-will. Maya, she would've thought...

It's something for Rebecca to think about, yet another thing. It's also a little derailed, as he shares what he'd told Maya about Osomatsu, and she straightens up her back. ]

Y-you just told her?! Just like that, when- but that's- really?

[ What a silly thing to focus on, but then--then, Rebecca's still that kind of woman. Still fixated on romance, after all this time. ]

[2-D flinches back a little bit, lifting his legs up onto his chair to hide behind his knees as she raises her voice. He didn't think she'd fixate on that of all things... but now that he thinks about it, maybe it wasn't his place to tell her that after all..]

I-it was before we did the Ouija board thing with everyone alive and I thought that.. um....... er...

[He twiddles his thumbs, looking off to the side a little bit.]

...that was another stupid thing for me to do, wasn't it?

I...

[ When they thought there was no way to communicate with the other side. It's a bit of a rush to the head, since- since she remembers, her own nervous display in the simulation room. She remembers Tsukasa teasing her a day later, teasing about something that could never come to fruition she believed and- and her own all-encompassing desire to finally do something instead of just sit around, waiting--

...

Isn't this what it always is, it's Rebecca applying her own circumstances to other people. Selfish, as always, selfish. Her face flushes as she internally berates herself, because for all her talk about recognizing the kind of person she is now, isn't she just falling back into those old patterns? With someone new, since Ashton's there in that mansion, being (don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it don't think)-- Well, it's a similar principle.

And god, all of this is rushing through Rebecca's head and she's just sitting there, silently, getting a look at him but barely seeing, mouth agape. ]

...I... N... No... [ She shakes her head, tongue heavy in her mouth. ] No, I just... In his shoes, I would've- wished to tell her, myself...but we'd no way to know, if that was possible.

[The musician is silent, patient as he waits for Rebecca to form a properly reply more than just "I..". He has no idea to know what's going through her mind.. maybe she's thinking of ways to explain why it's bad, since she's a teacher? Or.. maybe she's thinking about how he nearly confessed to her after he murdered that poor girl or... something. It's hard to say, but he knows that Rebecca doesn't take pauses like this unless she's really thinking about something, and her response that comes up surprises him a little bit. Just a little, because it's a little softer than he was expecting but she's right. About how he should have told her himself, and the fact that they really had no idea that he was ever able to.

He relaxes in his chair a little bit, wrapping his arms around his knees. In the same motion he leans forward to rest his cheek against the top of his knees, looking at her sideways.]

Yeah.. if I'd known that we were gonna see all of you in the fake-reality room I wouldn't have said anything. I just... I felt like maybe.. maybe telling her that she was loved would have maybe made up a little for what I'd done.

[There's a certain weight to his words as he says that, and it causes him to let out a sigh as if it'll feel any lighter.]

Not that... I did it just 'cos I want her to forgive me. I just, um... Murdoc gave Noodle tea every day ever since we found her alive, since it was his fault she almost died in the first place and she still hasn't forgiven him.

But he still does it, and I think that's pretty admirable of him, honestly.

[He wants to be better than Murdoc. He needs to be.]

Edited 2018-10-04 06:56 (UTC)

[ Really, she can't meet his gaze for long. The mention of Noodle... The one he killed Maya in memory of, as the silence ate away at him. The one he thought was dead...that a brief look through the library would've proven otherwise.

It was a damn tragedy so perfect she can hardly believe it, until she looks at her own pathetic end. After that...she can believe anything.

Swallowing heavily, Rebecca's eyes drift back to the computer screen, where her correspondence with Max sits before her. If anything could be done... At this point, they're just holding out for a miracle, in these dwindling days. ]

For her sake... Whether she forgives him, or not. [ Something scratchy at her throat. If she could talk to Isabella again... She'd do anything to be forgiven. In that horrible place, she knew- she tried, tried to reach out to her, even though...the other woman was too far gone.

If he has that chance, where Rebecca's lost hers, who is she to deny that? ]

...What's between you two...is your business. [ Ultimately, what Rebecca settles on, though heavy and tired. ] For those reasons... I suppose I can understand. Why you'd tell her that.

[It's a little bit of a relief to hear Rebecca say that. That she can understand a little bit why he'd tell Maya about Osomatsu's feelings. A little smile makes way onto his face and he ends up turning his head to bury it behind his knees to hide it, quiet for a few moments himself as he thinks of a proper reply. Well... first of all:]

Thank you.

[It's a little bit muffled but he does mean it genuinely. It's reassuring to be told that she understands him if even a little, tiny bit. Maybe he's actually doing something right in this shitty simulation if Rebecca can see where he's coming from... if even a little, tiny bit.]

I mean I really.... I really can't believe I was capable of doing somethin' so horrible in the first place.

[He tightens his arms around his legs, thinking about the images of that knife stabbing into her over, and over, and over. Her mouthing the word "Why?" as the light drained from her eyes. By that point it was too late to take anything back.. but he wish he would have. He could have stopped and gotten her helped. Admitted to what he'd done and promised to never do it again. Maybe things would have been different. Maybe he could have made a difference, somehow. Maybe he could have... made it back home.]

I know it sounds like a lie comin' from me but... it's scary, Miss Gales. It's really scary. I always thought that I was better than Murdoc, and it kept me goin' despite all the horrid shit he put me through but I proved to myself that I'm capable of being just like him... no, worse. And now that we've got a second chance I'm.. I'm just trying to prove to myself that that's not true.

[But it is true, isn't it?]

Edited 2018-10-04 11:57 (UTC)

[ After a few moments, Rebecca breathes out again, heavily. Tiredly. ]

...What's done is done, Stuart. [ Staring at the computer screen, the light reflected on her face. ] And really... So many of us, we've that horrible...thing in us.

Most people just don't get the chance to come back from it. To...try and face themselves in the mirror.

[ There's something dragging in her voice. ]

I can't...give you reassurances. As good as you thought me, I know... I know the opportunity I would've thrown all of you away for.

[ Admitting it, it feels...horrible. But it's true. ]

The capability to do...those horrible things... It's inside all of us. ...That's all.

[Hearing that -- hearing Rebecca admit that there really was something she'd.. she'd be willing to kill someone over. To "throw them all away" over it. For some reason, it just makes him feel worse. It should make him feel better, you'd think. To be told that everyone is capable of doing such an awful thing. It should make him feel less horrid for taking Maya's life, if even Rebecca can admit that she'd do the same under other circumstances. But it really.. it really doesn't. It's a scary thought, the fact that humans were so capable of doing things like that. Even the nicest, kindest people you know.. people you idolized, or people you loved. They could turn on you at any moment's time, if pushed in the right direction. And the idea of Rebecca doing that to him....

It's.. too much.]

...Miss Gales.... Rebecca.....

[2-D stops there, letting out a bit of a shaky breath as he digs his fingers into his jeans. He's not even sure what to respond to that. Does he tell her that she was too nice to do something that awful? Does he thank her for telling him that everyone's capable of becoming a monster? He just.. doesn't know.]

You... you don't have to tell me somethin' like that. There might have been somethin'... that you would've um.. "thrown all of us away for".... but.. but you're still a good person. I mean, you didn't......

[His sentence trails off. He never did learn what happened to Rebecca, did he? Can he really say that she didn't murder someone, without even knowing the context of why she died in the first place?]

....I mean. I-it doesn't matter now, anyway. What's done is done, like you said. And.. all we can do is hope that no one else ends up in this "simulatron" thingy with the rest of us. So they can go home to their families.

Edited (HTML STOP BREAKING) 2018-10-05 05:25 (UTC)

[ It's not...a nice thing to tell someone. There's a shred of her confiding in him, like she used to. But really, it's also a wake-up. Despite her desperate hope that there's a way to get out of here

(a way to save them, a way to save the rest of them, to get them out of there to get them out of the mansion TO STOP THE GHOST FROM TORTURING THEM)

...Despite it. Rebecca knows the world isn't a bright miracle. That's not what it has in store, the fairy tale stories she's blinded herself with for so long. So it's a shade of how they used to talk to each other...but darker. ]

Simulation. [ She automatically corrects him, but. Yeah, she nods to him. ]

I know what I did and didn't do...while they tortured us here. [ A glance at him. ] And you...

[ And another sigh. ]

...We're all capable of feeling regret, too. Trying to change. Some of the others...taught me that.

[ Monika, face tearful, as she confessed just what she'd done. The warm embrace she'd given her. ]

Nothing can be...the way it was, I don't think. ...No matter how much we'd like it to be. It can't- there's no normal it can reset to, Stuart. So, we can just try to find...a new normal.

[2-D turns his face a little bit, just his chin resting on his knees rather than his cheek as he listens to her. It was kind of nice, to be able to talk to her like this again despite the subject matter honestly. And.. what she says is true. "There's no normal it can reset to, Start. So, we can just try to find a new normal."

That's... weirdly motivational, coming from her. Coming from someone who had a lot of regrets of her own. And it means a lot that she's telling that to him of all people, honestly. More than she probably knows.]

Yeah, you're right. And it's... it's.. kind of funny, honestly. I think I'm more happy to have this place be the new normal compared to all the shit I went through back home -- just to be a musician. No one's gonna lock me in a room underneath the ocean just to record an album in this place.

[His tone is bitter, and dry.. a little off from what she's used to hear. But even he can be angry with people -- rightfully so.]

Everyone... everyone's been so nice to me, here. Even you... you didn't have to tell me any of this, but you did anyway. And I really appreciate it, truly. I.. I think I needed to hear it.

[He straightens up a little, and a warm smile makes it onto his expression, his tone softening.]

You are a good person, Rebecca. Even if you could'a done somethin' terrible. You're a good person, and they can't take that away from you, yeah?

They can't take that away from any of us, as much as they want to.

[ Before she might've hyper-focused on his bitterness, on what he'd said. But...

Well, she did find a biography of his band. It's possible that she read a little more than she needed to, while trying to come to terms with all of this.

It doesn't seem like the sort of thing she should dig at, in other words.

Her shoulders relaxed, Rebecca pinches the bridge of her nose, rubbing at her eyes as she does. Such a silly, silly little thing, a silly something to think about, as she gives a short, mirthless laugh. ]

What is it with all of you, trying to tell me the sort of person I am?

[ Max wanting to be like her. Connor's patient insistence, listening to her problems. Hank's fatherly concern. That admiration of Akira's. Even Gogol-- his pleas-- And Viral...nailing the very thing that'd kept her from growing and becoming the kind of person she wants to be, after only just meeting her.

(...It's funny-- it's funny how, in that way, he's like Luke, maybe if the two of them could've had more time, maybe if things weren't as tense, could he and her have become...?)

What if's.

Too many of them. ]

[ While he straightens up, she carefully pulls up her legs, to lay her head on her knees. Don't let the skirt fall now, there we go. ]

Honestly... It's not... I meant what I said, it can't go back to...the way it was. But... Really, I'm tired. I'm tired...of being mad. I'm tired of...screaming my way through everything. And if I can find good in Luke fucking Wright--

[ Something he's no context for. No context at all, but she squeezes her eyes shut and sighs for a moment. ]

...Then I think... Really, there's nothing to be gained, from being cruel to you.

Really... I've had more than enough of that.

[The musican watches Rebecca patiently, his blue eyes blinking a couple of times slowly as she pulls her legs onto her chair in a similar position to himself. His reaction is slow, honestly, when she tells him that she's tired of being mad. That she's tired of treating him cruelly.. not that he really thought of it that way, to begin with. He felt her reactions were fair, and honestly deserved so maybe that's why it takes his mind a moment to really register what she says to him.

She.. she's telling him that she doesn't want to be mad at him anymore, right? Does that mean... they can be friends again? Does... does that mean they can have tea together again? Sing together again? There's so much things he wanted to tell her about what he remembered -- not the bad stuff, but the good little things too. He knows she'd love to hear some of his newer songs -- like The Beatles' esque tune "On Melancholy Hill" or.. or the soft tune about missing home, "Revolving Doors". And he'd like to tell her that he's been working on being more confident, like she told him to. He... there were so many things he wanted to tell her, that he was scared to before. And now that she's opened that door a little bit, he can't help but think of all of those things at once. What does he say first? What does he say....?]

C.. can... c-can I give you a hug..?

[His voice sounds quiet, and small. Of all the things swimming around in his head right now that's... that's about all he can really get out.]

[ What's been swimming in Rebecca's head... It's the memories of that place. The mansion. What her mind felt like torn apart by the effects of the wall and what lurks beyond it. How she'd do anything to stop it. How she cried, begged, pleaded for release. How she could feel herself...slipping away, piece by piece. Leaving nothing but a cry for help.

How that's what this place, she's sure, was designed to break them to. Just from one horrible cage to another and--and she's sick of it. So 2-D in his silence...was it like that? Was it like the woman tearing at her mind over and over again?

If she can pass on some kind of hope to even Gogol, if she can find it in herself to feel sorry for Mitarai, if she can pity Mike, then why not offer 2-D--Stuart--a bit of comfort?

Rebecca nods, not saying a word, readjusting herself and opening up her arms, that tired expression so present.

(A better person. A less selfish person... Can I finally become that, like this?) ]

[The vocalist pushes himself up off his chair, and hovers there for a moment as if he's hesitant to actually take any steps towards her. His hands are together, his fingers nervously intertwining and releasing a few times before he steps forward, and closes the gap in just a couple of long footsteps. She looks tired, so he feels... guilty to be bothering her with this in the first place, but if it really was bothering her she'd tell him.. right?

That's what he tells himself anyway, as he bends forward to wrap his arms around her neck. It's awkward, at first, but as he feels a lump rise in his throat he slowly ends up falling down to his knees. He's much
more comfortable this way, with his towering height, and it puts him about shoulder to shoulder with her sitting down so he can properly just.. bury his face into her shoulder. And he lets out a sob, that starts more of a hiccup until it just rips from his throat, uncontrollably.]

Thank you.

[He clutches the fabric of her shirt as if his life depends on it. All he's wanted -- ever since he stabbed that knife into Maya's chest was a hug from Rebecca. It's childish, isn't it? Because she's shown him so much understanding and comfort before, he really... he just wanted to hear from her specifically that he wasn't a bad person for what he'd done. He kept telling himself that if he'd continue to be nice to everyone, and tried to help them whenever he could it'd prove to himself that he wasn't a monster. That he hadn't lost the very thing that stood at the base of his core. But in the back of his mind, it didn't... help. Not when the person he wanted validation from continued to reprimand him, even though he knew she had every reason to.

It wasn't something that stemmed from the small feelings he had grown for her during the weeks the two of them got to know each other, no. He just... never really grew to know how much of a positive influence can really impact a person before he met her. He spent half of his life being beaten and bullied for no reason by his band members, so it got easy to forget. But Rebecca reminded him, of how powerful positive influences were.

She was his best friend, no doubt about it. Well.. maybe more like an older sister, despite her being younger than him. Noodle was similar, too, but she was raised by 2-D and his other bandmates. She.. had moments, where she'd laugh alongside them at his own misfortune. He didn't hate her for that, but it's... different. And now that Rebecca's told him all of this, and has willingly opened her arms for him, all he can really do is cry loud, thankful tears.

He finally feels like despite all of this shit he, and so many others have been put through... he hasn't lost himself. And neither have they.

They'll be okay. They'll make their own normal.]

[ There's part of Rebecca that believes this is her giving in...but it's the same part of her she's trying to shush, trying to speak over nowadays. It's the part that goes silent immediately, when Stuart hugging her doesn't set off warning bells, and when she willingly and automatically returns it.

It's not as it all was. Nothing can wipe away what he did, what both of them have been through. But it's acceptable. There's no discomfort, just the soft...relief of acknowledging this again, this friendship.

Really... He hasn't been the only one to yearn for it again.

Though she doesn't say anything still, she returns the hug tightly. There's some kind of peace in this moment...and Rebecca's going to just accept it. ]

[It takes 2-D.. a good long moment to just let it all out. All the tears, the frustrations, the happiness... all of it. Really, it's not healthy to rely on one person as heavily has he had been with Rebecca but she's offered her shoulder to him so many times before he just.. can't help it. So he cries, until it peters off to quiet sniffles and when he feels like he can breathe again he slowly unwraps his lanky arms from around her neck and pushes himself back on his heels.]

Oh.. I-I've gone and stained your shirt a-- a little bit.

[He laughs a little, wiping at his red eyes with his arm.]

I'm sorry. I.. I didn't realize how much I needed... that...

[ If it's unhealthy to rely so much on one person--to place their validation as the highest possible regard, to cling to it in your every moment, then- then 2-D's in good company. That's what Rebecca's been doing, for seventeen long years. Much more invasively than he has, as well. Much more...obsessively.

It's something she's only starting to let go of, so- so honestly, truly-

Can she really blame him? ]

We've all needed to...to fall apart, here and there.

[ Rebecca stays seated, but she glances up at him. A tired smile sits on her face. It's not exactly happy, but...well, it's a complicated subject, isn't it? ]

I can't...say I've really forgiven you, for it. But... I think it's something we can live with. Or...whatever the hell this is.

R1 DEADLAND PT2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

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1/2

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two can play at this "linking songs for drama" game

i have as they say Fucked Up

;)

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