R1 DEADLAND PT2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

[lockdownmods]

[it’s strange, for the people who were already dead, the shift in scenery is sudden and complete. For those who have just arrived? It’s like you’re back where you left?

How strange.

But if you ever need her, you can always reach out to the guardian of this place.]

LOCATIONS
Note: locations lag a week behind the living counterparts

Comments

[starswink]

[Even Yoosung isn't entirely sure why "attraction between two men" wasn't a single part of his answer, although when he thinks about it again, he'll find a clear reason if he searches his soul. For now, he just blurted out the first things to come to mind, and now he has to listen to all of the dates that Mitarai wishes he could take him on with a lump of guilt growing in his throat. With his glasses analyzing his body temperature and reminding him what Mitarai must mean in his heart when he says 'want to be so close,' Yoosung isn't so sure he can find a reason why, despite how he still believes he should want to do some of those things together as friends. He finds himself staring down at his shoes for a moment, before he looks back over to him.]

Why would I ever...? [He murmurs thoughtfully. Is there even a reason? Is there a timeline where he could have loved Mitarai? He has no idea, so he hopes he'll forgive him for speaking in a general sense.] Because, everyone has a loneliness to push away, and that's how liking can start...

[Yoosung knows that very much. After all, even just hanging out in a chatroom together was enough for his first love. He cherishes every moment he spends together with someone special, like unearthed treasures. Thinking about that gives him a heartrending feeling, one that he's suddenly sure of more than anything.]

But it... it wouldn't be fair. I don't know what Yuuki would think... I told him if it's for the person I like, I would wait.

[he means to DTR. but......]

[lovedanime]

[Mitarai is looking at Yoosung with great interest. The man who told Yoosung nothing but an artificial hope like his anime was strong enough, to entirely fill the void, was projecting from his own emotional experiences. The long and short of the hard coded dopamine rush his body anticipates is for Yoosung to push away his loneliness personally, and Mitarai's wide eyes are taking in the other man's lips, wanting him to do that.

Then he's blinking. The freefalling butterfly impacts on the grass.]

Huh????????? You what for him...?

[He didn't even have any idea at first why Yoosung would be talking about Mishima, why that guy would care about Yoosung's possible relationship with Mitarai. But then Yoosung says he talked to Mishima about how to treat the person he likes, and - no sentence on its own is clear enough, it's only all three of them considered together, and "huh" comes out during this incensed moment of consideration.]

That's awf...

[Before he can properly think he's starting to whine. He's taken the plunge of confessing his feelings, and this reception was so much gentler than the feared bullying that Mitarai developed some hopes, capable of turning into despair now. Maybe he should retaliate by any means necessary to his muse wandering off the pedestal - with Mishima? Seriously? He's basically just him but with static ("strategic") images instead of sequential ones! Less time working alone to get distorted but more time to get cozy in the entrance exam and simulation! Three years younger! Hey, maybe that's something he can use? Nothing else "awful" enough to say out loud is coming to mind—

Then guilt rushes through his body like ice water, forcing his tongue to still before fully forming that harsh word. Because Mitarai remembers how shocked Mishima was to have a friend in Kurusu and a prospective friend in Mitarai, his discretion about intimate matters that fostered solidarity, how comfortable it feels when the three of them are among the others in the cafeteria... though really it's more like Mitarai is watching the two of them. The co-leaders of the Phantom Guild seem to do everything together, and Mitarai can't say in good consciousness that Mishima isn't capable of doing everything Yoosung needs from his significant other. Is Mitarai even capable of that? He doesn't even have full access to the capabilities of the simulation. Part of Mitarai's desire to be Yoosung's significant other... is a desire for Yoosung to have the hope that comes from a significant other... and there's only one way for that to happen now... Even though Mitarai's hope from a significant other is getting crushed in a way that forces tears to form in his eyes.]

...fine, admirable way of doing things...!!!!!!!!! Kim-kun really is a g-gentleman...

[starswink]

[It would feel kind of irreverent to still focus on reading the codes while rejecting Mitarai's confession, so he's trying not to, but he's still watching closely enough to notice the man next to him leaning just a centimeter closer to search his mouth presumably for a kiss hidden in the right corner. Yoosung already realized he was giving him too much hope, when all he had meant was that he'd still hang out. Mitarai's guilt trips are hard to navigate. This was the only way he could think of to avoid digging a deeper hole, but actually admitting how he felt to someone else was a first - when he starts to react in a whining voice, Yoosung braces himself for the crescendo. He understands by now that Mitarai is meek, but forces himself to speak up, and the compensation is loud. He's expecting a fight, or at least pleas. After all, if Yoosung were in his shoes.... he's really not sure that he couldn't do just that. It's what he's thought jealously several times from his position in the RFA. In a million years, he never would have guessed he'd be at the center of a love triangle, but that only prepared him more for the way he'd defend his love if it were ever questioned from any angle. Even if Mishima never said anything more to him after Chuseok..... If in reality he's not ready or willing to pursue it... what would he think about what Yoosung said under that moon if he didn't have even a couple weeks worth of patience to spare him? He can't cave under pressure, no matter how bad he feels for Mitarai after all of this has come to light. But that building pressure starts to hiss as if out of a deflating balloon as Mitarai cuts himself off and allows himself to be crushed, crying only a little. For a moment, Yoosung is speechless. What can he even say, when he already knows that Mitarai is lying? He grits his teeth behind his lips, not sure if he should tell him to stop or explain himself more. But he can tell he's... really trying. Yoosung hesitates, but then picks up one of his hands to show his sincerity here.]

Th... Thank you.

[He knows it's hard. He knows Mitarai won't understand even if he explains, and he won't want to either. Yoosung knows what jealousy is. That's why he appreciates this so much. So he'll accept the lie, that Mitarai thinks this suffering right now is so beautiful. If he accepts it, maybe it will become the truth, and he'll be happy for them. But he still feels guilty... a thought floats through his mind that puts a sad smile on his face.]

...I'm not a very good falling star, am I? I couldn't grant any of your wishes... I'm sorry.

[But Yoosung is a magician, and he's holding Mitarai's hand right now. After a moment of deliberation... he holds it tighter and data transfers the information on how to data transfer. The information on how to make clothes, too. He hopes that will cheer him up.]

[lovedanime]

...

[Mitarai lets Yoosung take his soft little hand but frowns down at the point of contact. When he wants to be so much closer and knows that Yoosung is relieved precisely because he won't have to do that, such a small gesture just conveys the discrepancy more acutely to Mitarai. Still, it's justified and harmless. When Yoosung speaks up, Mitarai raises his eyes, and he does feel bad seeing that picturesque bittersweet smile. Mitarai purses his lips, wondering if he should outright reject the self-blame of such an apology...

The information hits before his senses even process the comforting squeeze. A man so deeply offended by getting brainwashed has opened the door for Mitarai to attempt imposing a vision of his anime at any time. Here people can reach other people directly, what he's wanted to do all along... and Yoosung included him even knowing the worst things about him. Mitarai grabs the hand in return, hard enough to push bone. He's crying loudly, eyes forced closed, entire body shaking.]

No...!!! You're the, the best "Yoosung" there is...!!!!!!!!!

[As he speaks he transmits memories in rapid succession to excuse this familiarity - the multiple days he spent hours in the library over books with reference photographs of skies, seeking out the perfect backdrop for his butterfly, until he finally broke down crying over that footnote with "Yoosung" in it and set off looking for the perfect image of a meteor that soon enough manifested as concept art sketches.]

[starswink]

[Yoosung starts to slip into melancholy as the transfer only makes Mitarai sob harder, but the force of his hand shakes him out of it before he really has the chance to feel it. And these memories, so long and grieving, are stuffed into him like too many envelopes through his door's mail slot. He feels the time stretching out behind him, the devotion and care and overwhelming sadness of loss. A pain that's unique to that person's heart. Feelings about Yoosung... resulting in this sketch that has so much character despite basically being a rock. Yoosung isn't an artist by any means. He doesn't 'get' art. If he'd only looked at it with his eyes, he probably wouldn't have grasped its significance. It's only seeing it through Mitarai's eyes that lets him understand it so perfectly. This is what the world looks like to him, gloomy skies that have never been bright before he saw this dying thing crashing and burning through the atmosphere.]

Oh my god... [By now, Yoosung's eyes are forced shut too, and he's already starting to sniffle as his brain catches him back up with reality.] I-It's beautiful... I'm s... I don't know what to say...

[They're still Mitarai's feelings. Even if he shared them, Yoosung still can't share them. But they're a part of him now. He's just going to have to live with that, wipe away all these sympathetic tears. He doesn't want him to be sorry. It seems like he cries every time they meet...]

[lovedanime]

...that's enough, then.

[The muscles in his face have found the strength to push up a smile. Mitarai is used to receiving praise for his art. It's all the proof he needs that he's liked. Yoosung's impressed face is just as beautiful as he always imagined, and something he could watch forever, that he's learned how to keep in his grip. But Mitarai has done plenty of damage already. He's been entrusted to accept just this much praise.

He lets go and gets up.]

I think I really ought to be getting going.