R1 DEADLAND PT2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

[lockdownmods]

[it’s strange, for the people who were already dead, the shift in scenery is sudden and complete. For those who have just arrived? It’s like you’re back where you left?

How strange.

But if you ever need her, you can always reach out to the guardian of this place.]

LOCATIONS
Note: locations lag a week behind the living counterparts

Comments

[sendintheclown]

Oh?

[So he's not been found out. He's interested in where this is going.]

Do elaborate.

[lovedanime]

Nobody will tell me where he is when I ask. Nobody brings him up themselves. You're the only one who even looks at a picture of him without cringing.

They must have collectively made him feel unwelcome and decided to pretend he doesn't exist. That's why Golyadkin-kun shut himself away.

...I wish I could have reached out to him more before it got that bad at least. But I guess one person isn't enough to make someone feel safe.

[sendintheclown]

[A softer smile graces Gogol's lips as Mitarai talks. He waits, listening, until it's his chance to speak.]

In a world you're not suited for, full of people that are alien to you, what could be more valuable than finding someone else who understands?

[lovedanime]

[Mitarai has a different answer now than he might have in the past - he's confident.]

Someone who wants to understand. Who reaches out to you.

[sendintheclown]

[Mitarai's confidence reaches Gogol, and it's hard to resist that conviction. To think that someone trying to understand, someone actively, relentlessly pursuing a common ground to stand on could be more valuable than one to whom it just came naturally was a drastically new concept. Understanding was always something that was, or wasn't - it wasn't something to be worked towards.

To look at it from this perspective, wouldn't there be more value to someone's efforts in honing their craft for years, rather than someone who didn't even have to try?

There had been someone like that, hadn't there, someone who'd constantly reached out to Golyadkin's other side, never pulling his hand back as it was pushed away...

Gogol abandons that thought, leaving the end of the thread to dangle for now, and turns his attentions back to Mitarai.]

You sound so sure.

[It's not a criticism, though he sounds vaguely melancholic.]

So, you want to be that for him?

cw drowning imagery

[lovedanime]

Because I am sure. There are analysts I'm very happy to have met and analysts who ruined everyone I ever loved. It's like how gunpowder can turn into fireworks or bombs.

[It's not like the destination doesn't matter to Mitarai; he doesn't want Gogol to feel pressured into accepting not getting understood at all, or even dismiss understanding that does evolve quickly. (After all, his own position would be endangered then.) But there's a difference between getting pushed into a river and fished out... Deft hands that shove and hands that reach... Evil isn't good. He won't fall into despair and learn to breathe on the bottom of the river. Even if the prince that finally reached him went home with - wait, the mermaid saved the prince. He's gotta stop basking in bittersweet feelings already.

Mitarai clenches his empty right fist and looks up.]

I'd really like to show Golyadkin-kun what I've learned, if that's welcome. Maybe even a new anime.

[sendintheclown]

[Had Gogol actually been wearing his mask, this would be the point where he removes it, holding it inches from his face, revealing the other half that lay underneath. But he had already done away with it, as uncomfortable as it was to do, so the mask removal had to be purely metaphorical.]

You already have.

[His smile is knowing, but gentle. This is not the reveal of a cruel trick, but simply the curtain being lifted.]

You’ve done more for him than you might think. Though, he’d still like to see your anime, if you’d still want to show him.

SDR2 + DR3 spoilers

[lovedanime]

[Mitarai had intellectually drawn this conclusion for a while now - the evidence of absence - but it's in this moment he really sees. Maybe it's the inclining of the head that shows just how many times this man has actually submitted and pondered, not only jutting out his chin and laughing.]

Someday really soon!

[His smile gets thin again.]

The reason I could be so happy getting accepted to that private high school was... my best friend. Due to his complicated personal circumstances, he could only show his face in society by impersonating someone else. And he chose me... so he would attend meetings with teachers and awards ceremonies, while I was able to completely focus on anime. He did everything else he could to help while he waited for me to finish... but I never showed him. Someone else was curious about the draft, and—

[He shakes his head. This part of the story he'd already told in a form, and it's going past the length anyone would really want to follow. He had a point to make.]

I'm not going to shut a true friend out of my life that way ever again.

[sendintheclown]

[Perhaps he was wrong for expecting any different reaction; Mitarai had, up until this point, been nothing but understanding. There was no reason this should be an exception.]

And is that what he is?