deadtention | R1 DEADLAND PT2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

[That sounds pretty damn vague. He's definitely not sure it's normal either.]

...Have you ever cooked anything before?

...

When—

I—

[Mitarai opens and closes his mouth repeatedly, getting increasingly uncomfortable with himself for not having another answer. He curls his hand defensively, his chin resting on the knuckles.]

No. Not like this, I guess.

Edited 2018-10-09 09:33 (UTC)

Wait, seriously? [He wasn't expecting a straight up confirmation. What kind of maniac tries to make something this complicated on his own, taking so much time, and with no experience, to the point of getting constantly nicked... But this is honestly so like him, the astonishment only lasts for a couple of seconds and he literally shrugs.]

Don't half ass anything, do you?

[But the surface has cooled a bit by now so he thinks it would be time to dig in. He's a little more nervous than he was a second ago about trying this, and Mitarai's dreading face isn't helping his confidence. Just after he picks up the chopsticks (he looked around for a spoon first, but then, none of this is metal) Yoosunng looks down at him and his resting face again. He never knew anyone could look so tired within the simulation. He's gotta respect the gesture, at least. So for now, he just picks up a good pinch of noodles to slurp.

Moment of truth. What's this taste sensation like?]

Out of the question, Kim-kun. [His tone isn't even bragging or showboating, if anything he's almost slightly offended there was a question in the first place, though still in a friendly and not confrontational manner. After all it was really a rhetorical question. Mitarai interlaces his hands below his chin as he's watching the actors move into place. Nerves seep into his shrill voice.]

How is it?

[Watery broth relative to the other helpings closer to the bottom of the pot that was low and heavy to stir. Noodles are too soft - they already were, but more so since they'd been soaking in the hot water all this time, although by now it's getting cold, there weren't heat lamps he bothered to bring out. The toppings are proportioned well because this was before he realized he had dropped too much and put less into each bowl, though this actually works against the dish by aggravating the dilution of the broth. The pork is great, at least, really picturesque marbled slices.]

[Yoosung doesn't really touch the broth, a little awkwardly - he has forgotten what he's supposed to do with it in this situation, although he's sure the solution will arise somehow. He glances over with the mouth full of noodles as Mitarai makes that serious statement and pose, and it goes down with an audible gulp. He's... really staring at him. Yoosung tries to tune out the code pings for his physical reactions by now, out of respect for everyone involved, but the band aids and his creaking voice paint a clear enough picture by their own of how this must mean a lot to him. He sighs, as much about exhaling the heat from what broth clung to the chopsticks as his pressure, and tastes more of the toppings, one by one interspersed with noodle. His face is mostly looking down in thought, but they're pretty all right... and the pork is perfect. He's relieved that something tipped the scale this way so he can relax and tell himself the potential awkwardness was all in his head.]

Mm - yeah! I think for a first try it's really good... it doesn't taste bad and the meat is just right. Noodles are kinda overcooked but that's not a big deal.

!

[Not a big deal is what it takes for Mitarai's anxiety to wash away in a flood of euphoria. Until then he was completely prepared to accept that Yoosung would try to be nice no matter what.]

That's wonderful, then!

[It's enough to accept for now, might as well let the man get back to his bowl before it gets even colder. Mitarai straightens up to fetch a little soup spoon in the meantime. He had set them out separately from the chopsticks because he figured not everyone would need one, which is for the best because they're less interchangeable, but Yoosung is clearly looking for one, so it's Mitarai's duty to get one. He makes gentle warning eye contact as he sets the spoon down with both hands, and he keeps standing there afterwards slightly leaning with his fingertips resting together. His eyes remain captivated as he chatters.]

There might be some broth left if this is as many servings as people need right now, so there's a possibility of more effectively cooking a new batch of noodles in that for dinner. Have you ever made anything like this, Kim-kun?

Oh, thanks.

[He finally gets to sip the broth. ...There's not much to say about it since it's kinda mediocre, good thing he's off the hook now as far as feedback haha!! Still, as a whole he's finding it enjoyable. Though he also finds himself shying away from the attempts at longer eye contact. I mean, wouldn't he be kind of pissed off if someone else was looking at his SO that way? He doesn't want Yuuki to hate him for being too friendly with other guys... he might not even know about how Mitarai feels at this point. He has to just be nice... Yoosung just focuses down on his bowl.]

Well, not really.... but ramen totally seems like your thing, right? You can practice and make it better than I would.

[Mitarai seems not bothered for Yoosung to look at his work instead of his face. He's used to it and doesn't keep chasing down his eyes or anything.]

Practice...? [This clearly had never occurred to him before. What the hell, Mitarai, why was this going to be the only time you did it?] That's a great idea...!

[The tension eases a little as Mitarai gets a little more focused on the past in his head.]

To be honest I got into it because I'd make cup noodles so frequently... I know by now what you must think of that, haha. [Since he's heard Yoosung's opinions about what constitutes "real" food.]

Mm, well this is definitely better than that. But it's not like I haven't been there before...

[Pestering others about their eating habits is easier than being good yourself. This is why it is every Korean's duty to check on each other in this regard!! And at any rate... this is why he's making it easier for everyone else. He doesn't want them to forget about meals. Even if it's just to feel human.]

I think it would be easier to practice if you're not making them for everyone though. You can keep leaving that up to me for now. I really don't mind.

[Ah yes the gaming nerd with his dark days of junk food binges. Yoosung seems so much closer to the rest of humanity like this, which is really where he belongs given the whole hyper ordinary element of his character. Mitarai listens while sharing faintly pleasant nostalgic expression.

Then he lifts a finger.] No, I can't.

[Immediately Mitarai realizes he's being too rough.] At least not right now... [His eyes go to the floor as he lowers his voice.] I saw how Mishima-kun needed to lean on you after what's been happening with Kurusu... [Not even "to", he doesn't even bother framing Kurusu as the victim in this situation. He looks up at Yoosung through his eyelashes.] So I thought it would be for the best if you could lean on me.

[Mitarai smiles.]

As a friend.

[He blinks at that pointing gesture. What does he mean no!]

Oh... [Yoosung's free hand raises to rub the back of his neck as he glances away. It's not even in an uncomfortable-from-being-stared-at way this time, Mitarai just has his number and it's slightly embarrassing.] Really?

[It's true that it seems like he has a lot on his plate right now. The living are depending on him now, in a way that feels like it's way more than the others on this side actually have despite their insistence on the guild presence as a potential source of help. Poe may even be the first one to actually ask them for assistance, as sad as that is... he hopes they can share puzzle thoughts soon. But even without Poe, if he could make crying shoulder for Mishima his full time job, he couldn't regret that either. But even so, Mitarai looks so beat up... could he even endure another long cooking session?]

Well thanks, I appreciate it. But I don't want to burn you out... today was your first time doing it and everything...

[He's appreciated even though he's not good enough, which gives Mitarai lots of weird feelings about himself and the other man, back and forth in his stomach.]

...you're not wrong...

[Mitarai looks down at his hands. He imagines undergoing the same strain a second time in this weakened state and can see what a disaster it would be. Like the many different times he didn't take his best friend's similar advice. Part of him still wants to protest. Why didn't he predict high risks for this proposition of continued assistance? Is it really just because he's that naively headstrong? No, there's definitely a specific reason. His fists clench as he tries to put his finger on it.]

However...

[The lightbulb goes off in his head and he looks up.]

It's better to burn out together than burn out alone, though, isn't it?

[He takes long sips of the noodles and broth as he considers this. Is it? Yoosung isn't sure... because for one thing, the candle wax melts down at different speeds. Yuuki is leaning on him, right now, but he can also lean back in return. They can hold each other, and what does Mitarai have to make up for that? Gogol, maybe... but he doesn't know enough about them together to consider that a guarantee. And Mitarai is acting strange. He's embracing all of these little wounds, that would have normally made him give up.

Yoosung recognizes this as finding the strength of destruction in selfless love, the way he would so desperately love a coordinator who'd gone out of his reach. Maybe it's not so surprising that this man who wanted to destroy humanity to save them would wind up this way. It's not even such a bad thing to be, in Yoosung's opinion, since that's basically how he's living now too. Misery loves company, so he can certainly see his point. But if he encourages it, won't he be like Saeran... he doesn't want that...]

...Listen, Mitarai. I can't let you do that. I mean - [He points at his temple with the spoon for a moment before dipping it back into the soup.] I basically have a separate brain to process all this stuff.

[Sort of a lie. The augmented part of his mind really only helps him think fast enough to read the codes without losing focus in his human brain. But it's an excuse for why they couldn't do it "together."]

Plus in the end, I can only diagnose our codes, not repair them. Prevention is the only method I can use. You said you admired me for this... so won't you let me do it? Don't get bugs for my sake. If you get hurt...

[His eyes break contact and shift downward. He doesn't want him to take this the wrong way, but how else can he put it? He just mumbles.]

...I'll hurt too.

[He takes another sip of soup, with his gaze still lowered.]

Sorry to pull the AI card, though...

[Mitarai heeds the injunction to listen with great attachment, and he makes his typical "gears are audibly turning in my head" expression at Yoosung's reference to his brain. While they can't do that "together" now, it's a possibility Mitarai instinctively finds desirable, and the corollary is that maybe they could if he got augmented. Now that Mitarai has been abstaining from using his talent the wrong way, Yoosung is actually the one whose level of talent is higher, and while he repudiates looking down at Yoosung, Mitarai can't be satisfied just looking up at him either. Not exactly.]

I'm an AI too, you know...

[Yoosung is the one who understands the capabilities of transcendent humanity in the simulation the most, who sees fixable "bugs" where the others still simply somatize their complaints. Mitarai can almost feel that X-ray vision like leeches peering underneath the bandages covering his skin. Disgusting on some level, perhaps, but a talent is a tool that can and should be used for good, no matter what form it takes. Cherishment swells in his heart.]

Thank you, really. Before I knew it I'd started to give up on people caring about my pain...

[Yoosung's eyes get a little wider, surprised to hear this argument. As obvious as it seems to him, most people around here find their state of being too unacceptable to speak of. He doesn't blame them, either. He'd almost had a nervous breakdown when he found out, and honestly he can't even be certain that his way of coping it isn't just more of the same, drawn out to its natural conclusions of making insane changes. It makes him happy that those around him have found it so respectable, but that was after Yuuki had gone over them with a fine-toothed comb. Mitarai's track record is also not so great in this respect... and he definitely wouldn't trust the clown to hold the comb. He's probably getting ahead of himself to think that far, but...]

Um yeah, of course I know. I'm only able to do anything like this because we're all AI. That's not going to change my mind. Everything I said is still true.

[And yes, Yoosung could see his wounds in his mind's eye if he wanted. He can see so much. He doesn't even really need to in order to tell, with all of those cuts.]

But if I read the codes, I'd know perfectly the way your body's tired and aching. You can't blame me for hoping you'll take good care of it.

And... you don't have to worry about me either. I'm not alone.

[That's... probably what he should have said from the beginning. Mitarai has no idea how much motivation he gets just from loving Yuuki - it's gotta be the reason why he's grown so much since he met him in the supply room, lost without his games. As soon as they met again their wheels started turning so much faster, as if they couldn't move on their own but together they just formed one functional bicycle... but that walks right into the problem of the room for a third, huh. Man, he just wants everyone to be happy!! Are they going to have to focus on getting out of the simulation just so they can find more freaking bike parts? Yoosung sighs, lifting another helping of noodles to his mouth.]

It's hard enough just worrying about stupid Kurusu...

[Mitarai occasionally voices aizuchi like "that's right" in between these gentle admonitions. He hadn't intended to seriously argue that he wouldn't give up on this particular endeavor, only set a foundation for being relied upon more in general, but he keeps listening. Because after all... Yoosung is right to be deeply concerned about his entire way of thinking. Though there's something Mitarai struggles to understand, or maybe just a truth he doesn't want to understand - exactly that sheer force of support. If Yoosung is worried about him... but doesn't want to have to worry about him... And doesn't need to be worried about, himself... "Not alone"... Can it seriously be that fucking simple? As not being single? Everyone else keeps calling Mitarai this crazy paranoid sociopath for feeling all alone in the world! He might have cooked this meal with exactly one person in his heart, but it's not like nobody else was on his mind! A direct approach would have been completely defensible! Isn't this what doing his best to change the world peacefully looks like? And yet he's still a pathetic solitary bug, transparently so to the most admirable, understanding, alluring person here. Reality, virtual or not, is so hard to accept. Why can't he just run away with galge...

With all these frustrations boiling up, Mitarai latches on the prospect of completely changing the subject, with far more passion than ideal.]

Do you have any idea what the hell Mishima-kun ever saw in him?

[He regains control of himself and glances around to make sure Mishima wasn't in earshot, before continuing, more nominally cordial.]

After all, you were also his comrade in the entrance exam and everything.

[Yoosung swallows his noodles rather sharply in shock at hearing someone like Mitarai say "what the hell" in a situation like this. Kurusu is in serious trouble...!! But after coughing a little, he's just going to think about this for a moment with some dissonance in his expression. Because it's true that he knows a fair bit about what Mishima sees in him. But that had nothing to do with being Kurusu's comrade in the entrance exam. Is he looking for the history, or Yoosung's assessment of his character? Well, it probably wouldn't be appropriate to tell him all of their history anyway. It's a sensitive topic. But if he's being asked about Mishima and Kurusu, he's just naturally inclined to talk more about Mishima, so he's gonna focus on the history after all....]

Umm. Well... Kurusu is basically his hero. He's passionate about causing social change with the Phantom Thieves, and they gave Yuuki something to focus himself around - that 'strategic image' stuff. Having that helped him believe in himself more too, and so did having him and Sakamoto as friends... to be honest, any time he talks about home, it comes off like they were the center of his life. It's all about them or the PhanSite. Though... the site was most of what they'd talk about anyway... it was the first thing he talked about to me, too.

[That feels like an eternity ago. He'd been so interested in using it... now everything is about the Guild instead. It seems like it would be kind of lonely if they went back to their homes and respective causes, separate. They're both much stronger movements, and he doesn't want to choose between them... at least he already talked to Kurusu about the Thieves appearing as guests.]

I guess the Phantom Thieves are mostly what I talked to Kurusu about too. I can't help it... I'm really interested in a good cause.

Edited 2018-10-12 20:34 (UTC)

Oh, a "fan site". That's really cool.

[Mitarai is listening to all this attentively, even chipper at first. He was certainly fishing more for Yoosung's assessment of his character, but like any good woodland creature he drinks information eagerly. He's starting to think he could use a drink of some kind - he'd briefly wondered earlier if Yoosung could use one but thought it would be too much of a gesture from him. At this point though he can step off to the fridge (with a little acknowledgement) and get more to put on the common table for everyone, taking a tea flavored energy drink for himself.]

I almost wish I could meet Sakamoto and the other phantom thieves to hear more about their work.

[Mitarai takes a long sip of energizing tea now that he's come back to hear this last part about good causes. He's received evidence that Mishima would like to believe the phantom thieves are fighting for a good cause, and that Kurusu has put some elbow grease into the organization... But that could just as easily apply to the future foundation Tengan crushed in his arthritic fist; it's no guarantee of an organization that truly improves the world like the Phantom Guild or wherever Yoosung must have been volunteering before this. Kurusu's ideas of group welfare promotion included spin the bottle and sacrificing a frog. Mitarai has chosen not to look for the gentleness in him.

The deeper reason Mitarai says just what he does is even more petty. Faced with this tantalizing notion of strength through love, he'd like to insist the others were on the right track about a time that love made someone weaker.]

It's so nice to hear Kurusu cares about changing something besides Tsukasa's clothes.

[He probably should have assessed Yoosung's feelings more before he started talking shit... Although at first, his brows just furrow in confusion. He died long before any developments in their relationship took place, so it just seems out of the blue. His question about what Mishima saw in him seemed hostile too. It's not so welcome when they were already stressed about him.]

What the heck? Does this have to do with anything?

[Mitarai knows he's being hostile, but he'd genuinely forgotten that it would seem freakish to an outsider and without that proof reflect badly on himself for bringing it up. He clutches his can with both hands.]

Oh, it sounds like their chats were about something else for once? That's amazing! Max must be so happy!

[Nervous sip... Mitarai should have known better than to judge other people. He has no right to judge. He's the class scum.]

[?????? What do you mean for once? What? This is annoying.]

I don't know what they talked about with Max...! I'm dead!

I'm sorry! [Mitarai holds up both hands - he should have realized being separated from Max was going to be a sore point for Yoosung.] That is seriously the only possible reason to not know exactly - and, and I'm afraid I do mean EXACTLY - how much they see of each other, and I'm just so-so-so-so glad they finally listened to Max about keeping it under wraps for two seconds - but, I'm sorry!

I don't... know anything about that but...

[Yoosung finally puts his spoon down, totally unimpressed.]

You realize Kurusu is probably in huge trouble right now, right? Why does this matter.

Because he always—

[Mitarai furrows his brow at the spoon. His multiple attempts to paint Kurusu as an untrustworthy playboy, night and day from the trustworthy hero Yoosung and Mishima describe, have failed. Why didn't Mitarai lead with the sketchier material about killing to avenge each other or something? To be fair because the worst statements in that vein came from Tsukasa, with Kurusu just complicit. Starting from the basis of trusting society at large and getting a heroic impression of Kurusu, of course the development of a relationship would seem completely innocuous. And... weren't other pairs almost exactly that affectionate without doing the group truly wrong anyway? Despite Mitarai's open suspicions?

He's starting to realize this isn't exactly what Terra would want him to do in this situation. But at that point, the only thing he can do in a timely manner is admit that, not figure out what Terra would actually want him to do.]

Oh, this is no good... failing to see the good in a person again... I'm so sorry... I-I'll "stop"—

[Yoosung sighs at that, failing to see the good in him, he must really dislike him to say that... he doesn't get that at all, but he's at least willing to listen if it's not about something stupidly petty. He rests his elbow on the table and puts his chin in it. Now he's really thinking about this again.]

I mean, Kurusu probably faked his death, if something worse didn't happen... It's not like I think he can do no wrong. If you thought he was the spy, I'd listen why. But we're really upset about all this, so I can't understand why you're trying to bring something like that up... He's dating Tsukasa? I had no idea. The guy's practically a stranger to me.

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lovedanime - 2018-10-13 06:23 (UTC) - Expand

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starswink - 2018-10-13 06:48 (UTC) - Expand

R1 DEADLAND PT2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

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I'm sorry // dr3 spoilers

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